Monday, October 15, 2012
I sorta gave up this weekend. Well, I had a pretty disastrous week altogether food-wise. I kept fighting it though. But this weekend, there were too many deviations from my routine and the result was 2 days of me eating crazy bad.
My last 3 monthly cycles didn't seem to be much of a problem for me as far as cravings but this time around, I just couldn't get a handle on it. Not the week before or during. I have no idea why. Maybe it was just hormones combined with all the pent up frustration about how hard I'm working and how little I have to show for it.
My friends are always commenting on how good I look but honestly it just makes me more frustrated. I feel like a fraud. I really haven't even lost that much. I'm not even halfway to my goal yet. And the 40 that I have lost, has taken me 2 years. I've lost less than 10 in 3 months, actually I've lost 5 if I'm using my weight from the scale this morning which is 174 - which is 4 lbs up from a week ago so I'm telling myself its not my real weight. So 5lbs in 3 months is pretty terrible. My friend who has been losing too is down 37lbs and she's only been losing for like a few months, since the summer probably AND she's over 50 and not even really exercising. Just eating better. That is making me go crazy!! What's wrong with me?? I know I shouldn't compare myself to others but its just so hard not to. So I don't know, I think I was just discouraged and giving up a little bit this weekend.
But I know that I can't give up. No matter how hard it is, or how long it takes, I have to keep going. I think I need to find some way to take the pressure off myself about being at my goal by feb. it's just not realistically gonna happen and I guess in the grand scheme of things, the important thing is that I'm getting healthy and changing my lifestyle so that I have a better quality of life. And if the trade off is that the weight comes off slowly, it's still worth it.
That said though, I still want to work as hard as I can so that I know I did everything in my power to reach my goal. I'm just gonna have to get more disciplined with tracking and planning. I need to see where the work is going. It seems like a no-brainier but I struggle with planning so much. And I think I have a firm grasp on my efforts without tracking but obviously whatever effort I am putting in, isn't good enough. So I'm gonna have to take it to the next level.
My new plan:
Pre-plan every bite of food throughout the day and pre-track it. And then adjust when I deviate from the plan (but don't deviate!)
Run 3 days a week - goal is 3 miles for now.
Strength training on off days using interval programs
Try to do some kind of light cardio in the mornings
87 oz of water every day at least
Continue following skinny rules as much as I can force myself to cuz I really don't like fish or eggs.
I guess that's all I can think of. I just need to be diligent as much as I can for as long as I can. And not obsess about it so much if I lose focus for a few days or whatever. It's kinda like running - I need to have the same attitude. I run as long as I can and if I need to take a break and walk for a couple minutes I do and then when I'm ready, I run some more. So I took a little walk last week. Time to run again.