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MODERN FASHION?

Monday, October 15, 2012

ON ONE OF MY TEAMS, I NOTICED A REFERENCE TO WOMEN'S "MUFFIN TOPS". I HAD ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT THIS WAS. BUT WHEN I WENT SHOPPING THIS WEEKEND, I DID, IN FACT, PERUSE THE PUBLIC IN SEARCH OF THESE SO CALLED "MUFFIN TOPS". IT TOOK ME ALL OF ABOUT ONE MINUTE TO DEVINE WHAT THIS STRANGE TERM REFERRED TO.

REMEMBER BACK WHEN WE WORE BODY SUITS (HATED THOSE DARN SNAPS IN THE CROTCH) WITH OUR BELL BOTTOM JEANS? THE BODY SUITS WERE SKIN TIGHT BUT, OF COURSE, ALWAYS STAYED TUCKED IN. OFTEN, WOMEN WHOSE JEANS WERE TOO TIGHT HAD WHAT WE THEN CALLED "LOVE HANDLES" - A ROLL OF FLESH THAT HUNG OVER THE TOP OF THE JEANS. IT ISN'T THAT THE WOMAN WAS FAT! IT WAS JUST THAT THE JEANS WERE A BIT TOO TIGHT AND THE BODY SUIT TOO FORM FITTING.

NOW, EVERY BLESSED TOP IN THE STORE IS MADE OF THIS "CLING-TO-ME-LIKE-A-SECOND-SKI
N" FABRIC. EVEN IF YOU BUY TWO SIZES LARGER THAN YOU USUALLY
WEAR, YOU STILL HAVE THIS CLINGING LIKE A SECOND FLESH LOOK. PERHAPS IT IS MAGNETIZES! WE PUT IT ON AND FAROOMP! IT GOES INSTANTLY TO OUR SKIN, JUST LIKE A MAGNET.

AND WHAT IF YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE A ROLL OR TWO THAT NEEDS TO GO INTO TODAY'S PANTS? SORRY! NOT ACCEPTABLE.! THE PANTS ARE SO LOW CUT THAT THERE IS NO ROOM FOR ROLLS. YOU ARE EXPECTED TO PUT THIS SKIN TIGHT SHIRT INTO PANTS THAT ARE SITTING SOMEWHERE IN ONE OF YOUR ROLLS - THE ZIPPER NEVER TO BE FOUND AGAIN. YOU HAVE TO SHOWER WITH THESE THINGS ON BECAUSE YOU WILL NEVER, EVER AGAIN FIND THAT BLASTED ZIPPER. SO HOW DO WE CHANGE OUR UNDIES? OR (GOD FORBID) ARE WE NOT SUPPOSED TO WEAR ANY WITH THESE PANTS?

TODAY'S FASHIONS SCARE THE TAR OUT OF ME. I GOT ALL EXCITED WHEN I SAW THE LOVELY SUNDRESSES THIS PAST SUMMER. BUT NOW WINTER IS COMING AND WE ARE RIGHT BACK TO THE MUFFIN TOP PRODUCING JEANS WITH MAGNET SHIRTS. I AM PRAYING THAT BIG BAGGY SWEATERS WILL BE IN BEFORE CHRISTMAS. OR I PLAN ON WEARING A LARGE GARBAGE BAG THAT I WILL DECORATE WITH FESTIVE HOLIDAY DUCT TAPE. I SHALL WEAR ORNAMENTS IN MY EARS AND PERHAPS A RING OF BATTERY OPERATED FLASHING LIGHTS AROUND MY HEAD LIKE A CROWN. ARE YOU PICTURING IT? PRETTY BAD, HUH?

ERIN
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BELDONDOG1 10/30/2012 7:45PM

    Hi Erin! I feel like you did--I didn't know what a "muffin top" was either until my nephew told me. We used to call them "spare tires". It's so much easier being a man-it's as simple as a "beer belly" and that covers everything except "Man boobs" lol

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LEVELPATHS 10/17/2012 8:20AM

    Ha ha! So funny! No need to decorate your binbag. What's good for Debbie Harry is good for us all. Although a green garden binbag might look more festive?... :-)

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OTEN36 10/16/2012 2:05PM

    I wished I had seen that show of Rachel Rays. It does sound interesting. I was so excited when I lost 50 lbs and the first thing I went out and did was buy a pair of these so called "teenager/low rider" jeans. They are pretty cute in the front. 6 snaps and no zipper. After wearing them I feel like I am always pulling them up as they ride so far down ones hips/butt. I don't like the feel at all.
Thanks for the great Blog Erin and for stopping by mind. Your story about blowing up the canning jars was funny. Yes that was my back yard in the picture. Now it's fall time and no longer green. I'm looking forward to a small break from the garden though. I love it but it's a lot of work. Hope your day is great.
Dee/Minnesota emoticon

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MILLISMA 10/15/2012 8:26PM

    HI ERIN,

I LOVE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND SOMETHING THAT YOU REALLY LIKE AND YOU'LL LOOK FANTASTIC.

emoticon

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BECKYSFRIEND 10/15/2012 7:52PM

    emoticon

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KDCLEWIEN1 10/15/2012 2:52PM

    I love your blogs, you have such an incredible sense of humor and you brought a much needed to smile to my face. I avoid clothes shopping for the very reason they are not meant for overweight women. But have you noticed the kids and some adults today don't care how many rolls they show off or how big they are. I just can not do that.

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MNJONES2 10/15/2012 2:35PM

    Rachel Ray just had a segment on buying the right jeans - one part was how to get rid of the muffin top. The gal who did the segment told the audience that women should be prepared to try on MANY MANY pairs of jeans to find the right fit for them.

Erin - maybe trying a different store with a better range of sizes will help too. I avoid the "youth oriented" stores as their styles are not flattering for me. I feel your pain!

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