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The Elephant in the Room

Monday, October 15, 2012

I just ready Indygirl's binge eating blog:

www.sparkpeople.com/mypa
ge_public_journal_individu
al.asp?blog_id=5098141


I am a binge eater - have been for as long as I can remember. My husband actually called me out on it the other day. Since I've been home with him for a few days, he's seeing what I do all day and lately, I've been binging. He did it in a very innocent way - he wasn't mean or anything, or pointing a finger at me...he just said, "You must be stressed, you've been binging a lot." And that was it. Not horrible...just matter-of-fact. A simple observation.

It f'ing HURT.

I wasn't mad at all. I was EMBARRASSED. Embarrassed that someone else is noticing one of my flaws. Like when someone points out the fact that I bite my cuticles - I obviously KNOW I do it, but do you REALLY need to point it out?? I usually binge in private - when he leaves the house or standing silently in front of the refrigerator. But I let my guard down and I got busted.

I told him what he said hurt and he immediately felt really bad about saying anything. My unhealthy relationship with food scares the sh!t out of him so he doesn't normally say anything. He said, "I just pointed it out...I thought you realized you were doing it." And therein lies the rub that he will never understand.

I DON'T WANT TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACT I AM ACTUALLY OVEREATING.

I pretend it's not happening...like this is what I do all day every day and it's nothing new. Even though it's not. I lie to myself about it...shut down the thought process and just shovel the food in before I can stop myself. His pointing it out to me made me have to tip my hat and address it. "Oh hello, Emotional Eating. Yes, I've been in bed with you for several days but have just recently been forced to open my eyes and look at you full on."

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE THE F'ING ELEPHANT STANDING NEXT TO THE COFFEE TABLE??!!!??!!

Yes...I have stress. So does EVERYONE and a lot of people have it way worse than I do. My life isn't perfect but it's certainly charmed and I use stress as an excuse to self-medicate. My husband's acknowledgement of my overeating in tandem with Indygirl's blog I read this morning are forcing me to really acknowledge what I've been pretending not to notice for a few weeks now.

I'm gonna hang out with the elephant for a bit...chat him up. Play Truth or Dare with him...or maybe just Truth. And after, my husband, the elephant, and I are gonna watch some TV and NOT snack. And I can get back to being the real me.


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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATHIC2 1/19/2013 8:19AM

  Great insight. Struck a cord with me. I have started a "no binge" streak.

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