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    DEZZIEJAMES   23,896
20,000-24,999 SparkPoints

Final Week of ROCK IT and Body Images

Monday, October 15, 2012

So first off... the undies I bought... Are way to freaking big. Yes. Once again, my skewed body image has lead me to believing that I fit into size 18/20 (plus sized) undies. I wear 18/20 in my pants.

Well if I weren't so paranoid about an image of me in my undies floating around on the internet, and if I weren't so private about my body... I would post a photo of me in my new undies so you could laugh your butt off as much as I did. I looked truly ridiculous. There was so much extra fabric all bunched up all over my body that I looked like I had gained weight just wearing those underwear. What a waste of $10.00. *sigh*

So that got me to thinking. I am overweight. I am unhealthy. But I have body image issues. Real bad ones. I can't stand to look at myself in photos, or the mirror. I avoid it at all costs. I hate it when others have photos of me (that aren't just head shots). This really is a huge fear. I had read somewhere when anorexics and bulimics see themselves in the mirror, they see a much larger person than they really are. It's part of the sickness that they have. We may look at them and see an emaciated skeleton, but they look at themselves and see... me. Maybe I am complicating this. Maybe those undies really were over sized....

So for the final ROCK IT challenge I have to make some kind of New Year's Resolution (or begin formulating a plan about New Year's). I want to have a better body image about myself. No... I am not saying I will accept the fact that I am fat and become happy with it. I couldn't ever do that. But I can try to heal how I really see myself. So one day I can buy underwear that actually fit... and don't look like I need to gain weight to actually wear them.

Erebus was AMAZING this weekend. If you are ever in Pontiac Michigan, it is well worth it to check out Erebus. They only run during the Halloween season, so you'd better go soon (or wait till next year). If you like to be scared, this is it!

Once home, I set about working on my dress/corset again. I'm so proud of how it turned out. I felt a little skinny in it (except for the back fat being pushed up in the back... I'll have a Victorian style shirt on underneath it.) I am so proud of this costume. I made the corset and skirt pattern entirely from scratch. I researched tutorials online and taught myself how to craft this lovely dress. Yes - it was crafted from someone else's creation, but I am SO proud of having made it on my own.
Costume checklist by Saturday
1. Make Victorian style undershirt
2. Make mini top hat and birdcage veil
3. Make striped "spats" to go over my boots for a Victorian look
4. Apply ribbon to the sides of M's suit pants to make the look like a tux
5. Make a top hat for M, and Steam punk it out.
6. Make a bow tie for M
7. Practice zombie Make-Up
8. Bake brain shaped cookies for V's girl scout costume
9. Apply silk flowers to top of corset
Me in the dress....

My eating was awful this weekend. The only thing healthy about this weekend was that I DID get up and jog in the hotel gym!!! GO ME!

Weight: 193.6
Morning Back Pain: 4
Exercise schedule:
Monday - Pilates
Tuesday - Morning Jog
Wednesday - Yoga
Thursday - Morning Jog
Friday - Pilates
Saturday - Morning Jog
Sunday - Yoga

I hope you all had FANTASTIC Weekends

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
TRIANGLE-WOMAN 10/16/2012 12:05PM

    Stop teasing!!

We better get the whole picture when you have it all complete down to the victorian spats!!

We need to hang on to that "skinny feeling" and keep moving in that direction girl friend!

(`♥) .♥.*`*♫.♥
.*..♥ We can do it!!

Comment edited on: 10/16/2012 12:06:09 PM

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GOODGETNBETR 10/16/2012 11:35AM

    It looks great. emoticon

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SARASMILING 10/16/2012 6:45AM

    emoticon You are awesome and you can so do this!! Let's get on track and make this happen!!! You are getting so close to the 180's. DO THIS!!
BTW, the corset looks AMAZING!!!!
emoticon emoticon

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SAPHRAEL 10/16/2012 12:43AM

    That corset looks so sexy! What craftsmanship! I know a lot of work goes into making them. Nice work :)

I was rolling when I read your note about the undies. If you're a size 18, you probably wear a size 9 underwear, right? Do you have a mannequin for your dress making? You should put your oversized undies on it!

I have a different take on my body image. I have a hard time remembering that my booty is so darn big and I bump into things/people with it all the time. It's another kind of embarrassing. My hope is to shrink back to a normal size, so I can synchronize my perception with reality. emoticon

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AGK3112 10/15/2012 11:54PM

    emoticon Looking Nice

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NIKKICOLE83 10/15/2012 5:50PM

    I think you look great in the corset. When I start feeling sick seeing full body pics of myself, I tell myself, "but you are changing and three months from now, you will look different if you keep working hard and three months from that, you will look even better." And then I celebrate every little change I see in myself.

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ADARKARA 10/15/2012 4:21PM

    you look great!

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TALULAX- 10/15/2012 3:28PM


I am glad to hear you are doing so well. The corset is beautiful!

emoticon emoticon

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POOKASLUAGH 10/15/2012 3:24PM

    I need to work on body image, too. It's hard for me to believe I'm only 5-10 lbs over where I was after the end of my first two pregnancies. I feel like I'm at least 20-30 lbs more! I'm having trouble seeing how close I am to my goal, you know?

Your corset looks awesome!

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FANGFACEKITTY 10/15/2012 12:50PM

    I have the solution to your underwear problems...go commando! emoticon

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CYALE76 10/15/2012 12:50PM

    The dress looks beautiful ! I do not like the way I look in pictures either, I avoid the cameras as much as possible and that is a goal of mine to be comfortable enough to have my picture taken and not cringe when I see it.

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CHEETARA79 10/15/2012 11:48AM

    Gorgeous dress.

You know what helps me with the body image issue? If I look in the mirror and immediately think something negative about my body, I try to come up with 3 things that I love about my body.

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NICOLED40 10/15/2012 11:01AM

    The dress is beautiful! And so are you! I, too, hate having my picture taken. At least you don't mind head shots...I hate those too.

I'd love to join you on your better body image for 2013 journey. Is this part of a special team you're on or is this just something you're doing?

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JCARDINAL 10/15/2012 10:51AM

    The dress looks fantastic. Look at you with that skinny waist!!

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EOWYN2424 10/15/2012 10:46AM

    nice dress!

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