Sunday, October 14, 2012
I'm experiencing now the first time that I've needed to pull the emergency brake during maintenance. How did I get to this point?
I started off the week well, beginning a 3-week program of strictness, in hopes of getting to the bottom of my maintenance range. I tracked my calories carefully and I thought things were going well. I was eating between 1300-1700 calories a day and working out as usual. I should have started dropping, going from 131.5 down to 130 or so.
That was the plan, anyway. But it didn't happen. Instead, I started going UP. It's possible I was eating more than I thought I was (a few handfuls of trail mix here or there...). I went out to dinner on Friday night, so I expected that to bump me up. I also know I was on days 26-30 of my cycle, so that may have something to do with it. And just like last month, my period is taking its own sweet time getting here, which just makes me feel bloated and gross. But seeing the number on the scale creep up over the last 4 days from 131.5 to 132.5 to 133 to 133.5 has been demoralizing.
So yesterday, after running a great 10k race, I just blew it. It was the combination of frustration from virtuous behavior that wasn't paying off and feeling entitled because I ran a hard race: I ate like crap yesterday. After running my race, I was ravenous, and that started eating that spun out of control all day. Ate a bread and butter and a cookie after the race, a hoagie sandwich with tons of mayo and cheese and sauce for lunch, and pasta with garlic bread (lots of it) for dinner. It was a day that would have been pretty typical for me before but now felt out of control.
So this morning, what was the damage? 135.0. Oh my, oh my, oh my. I started having automatic thoughts like, "Well, I've already blown it. I might as well just eat, because there's no way that I can stay at 130." The good news is that I recognized this all-or-nothing tendency and am remembering my maintenance plan strategy of immediate correction. So what if I'm at 135? Part of that's probably water weight/bloat, and the rest of it will come off with a couple of weeks of concerted effort.
So I'm going back to basics: 1200 calories a day and some kind of exercise every day, until I get back to at least 131.5. I'm going to be totally disciplined. I'm not going to get down on myself, because after all I ran a great 10k and I knew there would be these ups and downs. But I'm also going to get back under control.