Saturday, October 13, 2012
I can't believe four weeks have passed. It seems like only yesterday when I started. I think I've done well on the scale; I could have done better - I could have done worse! But overall, I think this blog is important because the most meaningful thing to me is how I've been getting things done in my everyday life, and how I've been feeling. I am more than a number, and I've made a promise to look after myself. That is the hardest thing to do when you are under stress and doubting whether it's worth all the hard work but it IS worth it, and if I were a Loreal Ad, I would say that I am worth it. We are all worth it. (I think we're worth a lot more than moisturiser or hair dye though..)
Over the past few weeks I think I've become a lot more disciplined. I've been conscientious and done my best to plan, track and exercise. Without too much effort or sacrifice, I have made a special place for health and happiness in my life. Today I felt stressed and did not want to start my research proposal. I didn't give up and turn on TV show, open up a tub of pringles, and forget everything else existed. I did some zumba, showered, organised my clothes, and tried again. After a few hours I realised I was really hungry and had no inspiration food-wise. I didn't reach for the phone to order takeaway (although I was tempted and looked up nutritional information for a gazillion unhealthy things). I chopped up my remaining vegetables and made the basis for a curry. I realised i couldn't wait that long so I had Special K for dinner instead. Now I have a vegetable curry good to go for tomorrow. It probably seems a little inconsequential, especially when it's just a description of what I did today, but to me, it's a good example of the way I am changing. Yes, I still get overwhelmed with college work and end up doing very little of it, but I don't turn to food to distract myself! I am finding ways to redirect my energy in a more positive way. It's important to me that I take this year seriously, and I think being conscientious, disciplined and driven are going to be the most important components of any personal or professional success I have.
I am learning how to dig deeper into my reserve to push myself past any obstacles or doubts I have. When I get stressed, I remind myself that I can and will do it. When I feel tired, I try to tell myself that it will pass. I get up earlier to exercise. I might not feel like it when i get up, but I know I can do it, and I know it starts my day right. It gives me more energy. The more energy I invest, the more motivated I feel. I would never have tried to exercise in the mornings before. I would have said "I'm not a morning person" and waited to see if the opportunity to exercise in the evening arose. Well, I can learn to be a morning person, because I am usually tired and/or busy in the evenings now. Exercising in the morning makes me a morning person! It makes me bright eyed and bushy tailed long before everyone else has fully shaken off their sleepiness!
I haven't noticed many non scale victories in my life besides my state of mind, which is a little bit disheartening. I even took my measurements during the week and seemed to have increased on some of them! Only my neck showed a decrease; and that was an inch. I don't understand how that is possible. My friends say they can see the weight loss in my shoulders. I don't see it anywhere else. I'm going to keep my head down and wait for that sudden double-take moment where I realise how far I have come. If I keep going like this, I know it will come.