Friday, October 12, 2012
Ouch. I blew it again today, and I'm not even really sure why... I guess I'll think about it now. Maybe I was stressed because I started bingeing in the morning, and then even after I managed to stop for about 2 hours, I STILL felt like bingeing after 2 hours of trying to hold off. Then I went to run an errand, trying to reset my surroundings, etc. and after the errand I STILL felt like bingeing.
In therapy they used to say that no really strong urge or feeling will last for 2 hours, but for me, even if it wasn't super strong the whole time, the low/mid-level feelings, which didn't subside, just wore me down. It felt like an addiction today. I couldn't stop thinking about it and my body kept feeling like it was craving a binge. I really can't think of any major stressor today, so maybe it was just one of those random stress days (which is actually more frustrating)...or maybe I'm just subconsciously blocking it. Who knows... Anyhow, I don't really feel like thinking about it anymore. It happened. I gave up early in the day and didn't make much effort to turn it around for the rest of the day either...I just kept emotional eating the whole day.
So today was extremely frustrating. Second full-out binge of the week. Not good.
Staying Positive, Day 12.
+ I did go to yoga, even though my motivation was really low, and it did make me feel better afterwards.
+ Even though I kept overeating throughout the day, I only did that one full-out binge (hey, it could be worse - I could have done more than one full-out binge in a day...it's happened).
+ I have plans for tomorrow and Sunday that should help me get back on track. Tomorrow I am meeting a friend for a run in the morning, and am meeting some other friends later in the day to go visit the zoo. Then my parents are coming to visit, and I will spend the rest of Saturday and then Sunday with them. Usually when I'm with other people I do fine with my eating. I fall into emotional eating/bingeing worst when I'm alone. I know part of that is habit and/or opportunity-based...I need to learn how to be ok by myself.