Friday, October 12, 2012
Ugggghhh! Today has been the worst day everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!
It's my grandma's birthday and everything was fine until my aunt came over. My mom and aunt went outside to smoke their cigarettes. When my mom came back inside I was jokingly asking her what appeals to her about cigarettes the most: Emphysema, Lung cancer or Throat cancer. She said very funny. My aunt butted in and said if I am going to worry about cigarettes, I should worry about cars and this in that. She was trying to say cars can do more damage. Yeah, cars can do damage but it doesn't undo the damage that cigarettes cause. She was just pissed off because someone called out a bad habit that happened to be her bad habit. Everything escalated. She told me to stop and I said NO. I can stand up for anything I want to stand up for! She said I can't live in a bubble. Umm..I have dealt with A lot in my life. A LOT! Her sons don't do anything. Never worked. Never went to school. She refuses to allow them to socialize because she says you can't trust people and she has shot down all of their career interests, so who lives in a bubble? Not me. She also called me an idiot. She is the one who WILLINGLY left her job in the middle of the recession. That was real bright, wasn't it!!! She said I don't know how to deal with life but that's a lie. I have dealt with so much. She also said I think I'm all that but she doesn't even know me. I definitely don't think I am all that. I told her I was glad she wasn't my mom because I would never be able to leave the house. She will not even teach her grown sons how to drive! She attacked me for not working but I have spent the last 2 years in doctor's offices trying to find out why I was so Exhausted and feeling so ill, then finding the right treatment so I could work! Before that, I was filling out applications and looking for a job just like any other young adult. I will be picking back up with that as well. It has nothing to do with laziness. None of this would have happened if she would have not butted in in the first place!! She said she is glad I'm not her daugher because her kids wouldn't act like that and I told her her kids aren't perfect and she said she never said they were but she DID say that.
When we were little, my sisters and I were babysat by my grandma & my cousins (my aunts sons would do stuff and we got blamed for it. I was blamed the most & I was always yelled out and smacked for it and it pisses me off to this day that my aunt says us girls cause stuff but that's not true. I have always had this sense that a couple of my family members don't like me. They don't like that I say whatever I think/feel but they do that too. Why should they be allowed but nobody else is allowed to say whatever they think/feel?
I can't stand her. The worst part is my mom never sticks up for me. She always says I go on and on but what am I suppose to do when I am being attacked? I have never been the real submissive type. Am I suppose to just sit there? Like I said, I wasn't even addressing her!! She also thinks I can't accept someone else's opinion if it differs from mine but that's not true. I am very open to hearing different opinions (ones with valid points.)
There were points where I was in the wrong and the whole thing was ridiculous to begin with but there's no going back now.
I feel bad for ruining my grandma's birthday. I won't say how old she is because she she wouldn't like that very much but she's the only grandparent I have left even though we aren't very close.
I was already having a really bad day. I was feeling really bad about stuff, especially my appearance and I hate this day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Member Comments About This Blog Post
I'm sorry you had a bad day.
She sounds like she enjoys the drama... If that's true, maybe what you should do next time is just smile at her and say nothing. When she accuses you of ______ just smile. Stand tall, smile. Don't argue. Don't give in to her drama. It will aggravate her to no end, and you will be the one who takes the high road, she'll be the one ruining the party. And if you have to say something, just say (with a smile) that you disagree with her and there's no point in discussing it further.
1655 days ago
there is always one like your aunt in every family. Makes you wonder what is the thing they are not happy in their lives and try to ruin it for others.
1657 days ago
Love you. And think you are working hard to become the woman you choose to be. Part of that is cutting toxic people out of your life.
1657 days ago
I know you feel a lot of pain from your harsh Aunt but don't let her bad behaviour rent space in your mind. She has already ruined part of your day, reclaim the rest of it and enjoy yourself! You know, your mom is kind of caught between a rock and a hard place. She cares for you both and is probably trying to stay neutral like Switzerland. I suggest you avoid the Aunt as much as you can. During the cigarette argument she went on the offensive and attacked you. This was her way of deflecting the fact that she was caught out with a bad habit of smoking. But as you well know, when people start telling us off about our bad behaviours we just sometimes get all the more defiant. Self-destructive yes. You have put your cards on the table about smoking and I would never bring it up again. You can probably help your mom work on the problem in private without aggravating aunty in the picture. I feel your pain relatives can wound and reopen old wounds too. Rise above it all and don't let one dysfunctional gal pull you down.
1658 days ago
Like they say, you can't pick your family! I try to avoid the smoking is bad for you convo, because I know that no matter how much you preach the smoker has to be ready themselves before they can quit. Beside, my family would just say, "Being overweight isn't good for you, artificial sweetners are bed for you, getting your hair dyed is bad for you, etc." IMO, I'd rather just keep the peace!
1658 days ago
I am sad to say, this is common. In my DH's family it was always my son's fault. You know sometimes it was and other times it wasn't . It does affect the person that receives that kind of negativity and it may be what is contributing to how well you feel. You can not change your aunt or your family, but you can change how you react to them, or whether or not you remain in the same area as they do. People move often for that reason, then you can control how much you see the negative people that you can not choose to be in your life. As you know you choose your friends not your family.
Remember you are making positive steps in your life to improve your health. Once the health is improved the appearance will improve. I am not saying the weight will fly off! God I wish that was true. Remember you can be a healthy person and be overweight and you can be an unhealthy person and be considered in a healthy weight. I have a feeling that your non chosen people in your life may have made you feel bad about your appearance. People who point out what is wrong about other people are usually trying to boost their own self esteem by diminishing other peoples sense of self! Don't let them win. I have seen your smile, you are a beautiful girl and you have a good heart. I am proud to be your friend on Spark and as I said before, I would be proud to be your Mom. Which reminds me if a Mom does not stick up for their child in a "family" situation chances are they have given up!
the negative thinking about yourself and remember you are worth the effort you are making to do positive things with your life!
1658 days ago
Your Aunt sounds very similar to my mother, ar we sure they are not related somehow. I FEEL your pain and anger on this one. I HATE when other family members but in when we were not speaking to them in the first place. I am glad that you stood up for yourself and didnt back down, see me I would have slinked away to a corner and just thought of myself as a good for nothing again. I am VERY proud that you stood up even though the outcome wasnt as planned. Tell your grandmother Happy Birthday and that she is loved no matter what happens between you and your other relations. And yes like the others said some people are just so toxic one of the major reasons we moved so far away from my family and refuse to communicate with them. I will be thinking of you my friend and I hope today is a much better day for you.
1658 days ago
AAUURGH! This is when life happens. We have the Peppy Party where everybody is happy and encouraging you to succeed and then there is real life with aunties from the wicked west and you can get fat from soda. SIGH. Try to stay focused and away from the toxicity like Lorraine10141 suggest.
1658 days ago
Sometimes people are toxic. You recognize it. You had your say, now let it go and not continue to wound you. I hope your doctors can help you find out what is causing you to be so tired. Enjoy the rest of the journey and don't let someone else's negativity hold you back.
1658 days ago
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