Over the past few months, I have gone through multiple changes. I am still reeling from some of those changes and trying to adjust. In May 2011, I married the love of my life, and life has had so much turbulence, I am still learning and growing. One year ago, we were living this wretched lifestyle. A day for us consisted of getting up--LATE--, smoking a couple of cigarettes with coffee, skipping breakfast, dragging in to jobs that we absolutely hated, rushing to lunch at a fast food restaurant, eating much more than we needed because were starved for food at this point of the day, smoking twice together at lunch (not including the 3 I would smoke everyday before I entered the office, and the 2-3 smoke breaks I would take before lunch), dragging home LATE at night just to go grab a pizza and some booze and smoke cigarettes and drink long into the night trying to forget about the day behind us and the days ahead. IT.
On October 21st 2011, my whole life began to change. In retrospect, I am thankful that my life got turned upside down; it forced a mirror in my face and showed me some things I didn't like. It was a semi-normal day. My husband had just finished up his two week notice at his job. We decided to take a major leap of faith as a drastic measure to get out of the misery that was dragging us down. We made the decision that he would quit his job, and spend however long it took to find a better job. It was that bad. He was working more hours per day than were in a week. There were so many issues, I don't feel like I can really put those in writing---just too risky. All I can say is, it was bad, and it was already taking its toll on our marriage.
So, we were making scads of $$$ back then, and I felt that with my job, we could stay afloat for about 3 months without feeling anything from it. Besides, my job was pretty stressful and I did want a change ultimately, but it wasn't unbearable. Until 10/21/11. I walked in to my office which was open with the light on. My direct supervisor was standing there with a look of great despair on his face. He closed the door and my heart sank. After all, we had been in a major slump with the numbers (I was on a marketing team of four) and I was the newest kid on the team. I had already been threatened 77 different ways with my job, so I braced myself.....only to hear him say, "Well, I just got laid off. We all did, except you." At first, I was relieved to know that I still had a job, but then soon realized I was officially a one man show for what was previously a 4 person show.
You know those moments when it feels like fireworks are going off inside your body? Your head gets this dizzying rush and your stomach rolls and your fingers and toes get really tingly ?! Sometimes it might even get to the point that you see stars and your breathing becomes labored and you almost disappear from the spot you are standing in....you lose all sense of time and space and you feel like you might faint. I felt in that moment all those feelings times a million! I think I stumbled back into my chair without a word, grabbed my pack of smokes and headed out to the employee smoking area. For the longest time, I couldn't even speak! My head started pounding unlike anything I had ever felt in my life, and my chest was having pains. I worked in the medical field, so one of the nurses suggested that I looked horrible and insisted on checking me over. As it turned out, my blood pressure had shot up so sky high, she said I was just steps below stroke level. In doing my own research later, I found out I was stage 2 hypertensive which is highly dangerous. My husband had to come get me and take me to the doctor who wanted to see me immediately; I had an EKG and my blood pressure was still super sky high, so I got put on meds.
When I left the doctor that day I realized a few things. First, if I kept this up, I was going to wind up dead very young. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw dark black circles under my eyes, very definite wrinkles taking their residence on my face, multiple gray hairs, my skin was gray and scaly, and I had put on some serious weight. I was also taking 3 new prescription meds. So, I knew I had to quit doing this:
, cut back on this
, probably stop this at least for a while to get some control:
, and do a whole lot more of this:
!!!! I'm only in my 20's y'all! I shouldn't be lookin like I'm in my 90's!
To wind up this story and get to my point, it was a year ago when I decided I had better make some changes and quick! My hubby did find a job after two painstaking months, and me being frazzled to the point of deadly burnout. The morning he called to let me know he had found a job, I gladly took my resignation in the very next day giving a very generous month's notice. Yeah, I was the buzzkill of the day, because it was the day of the office Christmas party, but I didn't care! My health and wellbeing and my husband's health and wellbeing were my new focus.
Since January, I have slowly made changes in our lives for the better and picked up the pieces of self-destruction. We have endured quite a bit more over the last several months--I won't go into those gory details here. But, in May, I started sparking; in June, I began going to counseling. This has been so cleansing and I am finally dealing with my issues of the past. Which is why I'm writing this today!
My counselor suggested that if I have some issues, I should find a means to let it all out. So, because I'm finding out that my weight and health issues are interconnected , I have almost decided to go ahead and share in a blog, my story. The story of how I got to the unhealthy mess and the ways my life is changing and why. Would that be TMI? I have NEVER EVER EVER shared my stories publicly, and some of them I have never uttered from my mouth to even the most trusted souls. But, I also feel compelled to spill it forth so that I might help someone else, that I might heal, and most importantly, that I might glorify the name of the Lord. He has written out my life's path, and I feel like sharing might be the next step. By all means, I don't ever want to bore a soul! Please feel free to share your opinions about this.
I feel better already! Just going back over the details of the last year and looking at where I am now, I can see I'm making it better for myself.
Thanks for all of the love and encouragement and support I receive from each of you! Blessings to all of you this wonderful weekend!