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KATD13
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I think I need a hug

Friday, October 12, 2012

My boyfriend and I have been back from vacation for two days. How could everything, already, be so awful?

I know that everyone has problems and stress. And maybe my issues are small, compared to others. But right now, I feel overwhelmed.
Of course, the problems we had when we went on vacation are still here. I've got a new job prospect, that is making me uneasy. We are looking for a new house and that is really stressing me out. My children each have ongoing issues in their lives, that are creating stress. And then there is the tremendous loss of Michael. He is in my thoughts constantly, I feel like not a minute goes by that I am not thinking about him. I try so hard not to cry, but that takes alot of work to keep it in.

And now:

*A close childhood friend of mine, her daughter Kate, has been ill for several years. She was so ill that she was unable to finish high school. Kate was an honor student with such an amazing future ahead of her. A beautiful child, inside and out.
They have taken her to see so many doctors & specialists, but no one can diagnosis what is wrong. We have always had faith that she would be diagnosed, a treatment would be found and she would recover. Kate has suffered for so long and tried to be so strong, but she is tired of the fight. They have Hospice for her and it is just a matter of time, before they lose her.
I do not know what is worse: Watching your child die, slowly in front of your eyes or losing them suddenly & unexpectedly. All I do know, is that the loss is just so horrible.

*This morning my boyfriend was in a car accident. He was hit in an intersection and rolled his new Jeep. We are so grateful that no one was seriously injured. But it was especially traumatic for him. It was less than 10 months ago that our Michael, was killed in a car accident. Traumatic for all of us, because we are still reeling from Michaels death. When I told my youngest daughter what happened, I saw the fear in her eyes. She keeps all her emotions inside, but I got a glimpse of it today.

I am always, always the glass is half full, kinda person. But I am having some trouble with that today. Mostly, I just feel like crying.



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