Reason #100 Billion Why I WILL Lose Weight: Penis-Skin

Friday, October 12, 2012

I know you all came for the penis skin, but you'll have to first suffer through my updates to get there:

So this has been an exciting late summer, early fall!

I was so glad when the tick bites (from previous posts) FINALLY healed and I was able to exercise again! The following weekend I immediately twisted my ankle and got a medium-severity sunburn. Ugh. I think nature is out to get me this year! As a result, my exercise was once again put on hold as my ankle healed. And after spending the previous month really struggling to keep my eating at the low calorie range since I was unable to exercise, this new injury just really pushed my frustration to new levels.

On top of my physical calamities, I found out at work less than 2 weeks ago that probably ½ of our company was going to be in new jobs soon. Now, our company has never laid people off, they’ve always transitioned them to other contracts and other physical locations, but the uncertainty and everyone else’s anxiety made the situation very tense. Fortunately, another contract down the street held a “job fair” for our employees and 8 people were selected to move over to that contract effective next week. And I was one of them! Yay! But it’s been a whirlwind two weeks starting with finding out the news of our decreased funding, the job fair, subsequent interviews, job offers, etc. And now on Tuesday I’ll be sitting at a new desk. It’s just all been so fast and the mere speed of the transitions has made me feel anxious. I think it’s a good thing, for sure, but any big change is going to come with some uncomfortable feelings.

So I stopped tracking. And stopped making healthy decisions. And went with what sounded yummiest. I did, somewhat, keep portions in check, sometimes. But a few weeks later and I’m up 5 pounds from my lowest recent weight and 3 pounds from where I was maintaining post-tick-bites.

This wouldn’t be a huge deal to me, in other circumstances, but I have a wound that needs to heal. And I’ve been to my doctor about it several times, and she said, point blank, for this wound to heal I have to lose weight. If I gain too much weight I may need to get a skin graft to cover the wound. Right now, because before the summer of calamity I was down to a good number, the wound isn’t too bad. But my 3-5 pound gain is putting it in jeopardy again. And you’d think that would be enough to scare me into eating within range and really focusing on losing the weight, but it’s still SO HARD for me.

I just want to scream “I DON’T WANT TO!” I feel like a toddler flinging myself on the floor and punching my fists and flailing my legs. I just don’t want to worry about this. I don’t want to add this to the list of things I have to think about. I don’t want to have to calculate every bite I eat. I don’t want to have to decline eating out with friends because I know I can’t control myself in those situations right now. I don’t want to forgo alcoholic drinks because I know they have empty calories and because they lower my inhibitions toward eating OTHER empty calories. I DON’T WANT TO!

But, friends, I have to. Because I want a skin graft even less. I asked my doc where the skin would come from. And she did me perhaps the biggest favor by telling me the absolute truth. The skin would come from circumcisions. That’s right. I would have a little baby’s foreskin on my body. So for the sole fact that I don’t want some unknown penis-skin attached to my body, I will lose this weight. Once again. And who knows, maybe this time it will stick.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wow, you've been having a rough time of it lately! I'm sorry about that, but I'm glad you're staying strong through it all. Congrats on the unexpected new job! I can totally see how something so sudden would cause anxiety; I myself do NOT handle change well and need a loooong period of mental transitioning before I stop being anxious about whatever is changing.

    I didn't realize skin grafts could come from circumcisions! I mean, I guess it makes sense, but it still seems kind of crazy. I hope you don't have to get one! Good luck to you. :)
    1947 days ago
    I was a nurse in OB for over 22 years. I have seen thousands of circumcisions and the threw away the skin in each case. Well, I saved some and made a wallet out of them. When I go on vacation, rub and I have a suitcase. (not really) Glad to hear they are putting some to good use.
    Don't know where your wound is, but wouldn't it be cool to rub that area when you want a purse to appear? LOL.
    Maybe not.
    Well, the choice is clear. I would want to heal up on my own. Check out some of my teams. There is a lot of good reading. I changed WHAT I eat completely. My DH did too. We are both losing weight and his BP is going down. Got to take him off medication.
    Be well,
    1947 days ago
  • SOFT_VAL67
    i dont know much about skin grafts, but im dealing with a similar issue, it seems that as soon as i did decide to lose weight and get healthy, my body said, hey, im gonna screw with u
    cause since ive been walking, the band of my bra/sports bra, has rubbed a raw place, even with the use of bandaids and moleskin and surgical bandages and tape, on the area where my band lays
    it has gotten so bad, that its imflamed, ive had to go a few days without walking or wear a bra i hate, and still use bandaids, put on neosporin, etc and deal with it
    im going to see my doctor soon, its beginning to heal now, but im scarred....and on top of that my feet decide to give me fits
    so yer damned if ya do or dont
    1953 days ago
    Wow... the skin graft thing is actually kind of fascinating while still being somewhat squicky at the same time.

    Isn't it amazing when something just triggers that DO NOT WANT response? Everyone talks about rock bottom moments, but I think it's more that there are hidden landmines in what we're willing to accept. I was fine with going on insulin (okay, not fine, but I accepted it as inevitable), but the thought of going on cholesterol medication was a line I wasn't willing to cross.

    Glad your tick bites healed up, and hope nature stops being a jerk!
    1953 days ago
    Ok forgive me but wouldn't it be the best if you got the skin, became a supermodel hottie, then found the kid in school with his buddies and let him know his penis helped you ? You would make that young mans LIFE! On to a serious note I hear ya on the don't wannas. Hang in there. Let's do this...
    1954 days ago
    That is funny they way you tell it (about the penis skin)....I'm was surprised, there really was a reason you had put it in the title.....actually, it sounds like it's "reason #1" why you want to lose the weight. I'm sorry to hear about your wound, but I'm glad your tick bites have gone away. I remember when that happened to you and it sounded like a terrible experience.

    I wish you well with your new position. I'll be thinking of you on Tuesday. I've always felt that the first week on a new job is the hardest. Hang in there and that first week will be over before you know it.

    1958 days ago
    Yes, you don't want that! No one wants that!
    1958 days ago
    OMGosh! For reals? Out of all the other billions of reasons, baby penis skin tops ANYTHING else! I have to admit, this so will spur me on also. Bless you! You have surely of the of the best incentives in the world! emoticon
    1958 days ago
    I found my way to your blog because TravelGRRL is my friend and her comment on your blog showed up on my friend feed. And the 100 billion followed by penis caught my eye (imagine that LOL).

    I SOOOOO understand that 'I don't want to!' thing!! A knee injury that is slow about healing has forced me to lower my walking mileage in the past few weeks and I'm feeling the same way. But it has to be done so let's all just put on our big girl panties and do it, ok?? emoticon emoticon
    1959 days ago
    Haha love the title. Looks like things are starting to settle down, between tick bites and job drama (been there, done that, earlier this year. NOT fun. glad it's over for you.) Now, you can put your focus back where it belongs - YOU. 'Cuz you deserve better than crap food, and feeling the effects of it.
    As far as the wound that won't heal, I'm wishing you lots of luck that you don't have to do the unthinkable. I know you can lose the weight you need to, just stick to your guns! You've done it before, so we know it is possible, and now you just have to do it again. Nothing can get in your way!!

    Thanks for the goodie, btw. I am so glad to see you are back, and being honest with yourself about where you are. That's the first step! We'll get each other through this, ok? emoticon
    1959 days ago
    I was caught by your "Reason #100 Billion" and had to laugh because that's me too!

    I was going to write a similar blog today, about my frustration at my 5-pound weight gain and how circumstances seem to be conspiring against me too...and I still might, but I've started and deleted it twice. I am glad your job anxiety is (mostly) over and your tick bites have healed. Now you (and I) have to get our heads back in the game and get back to the basics. We CAN do this and you have a pretty compelling reason! ewww, penis skin! emoticon
    1959 days ago
    Haha, OK. I admit. The title DID grab me funny. The story, while a great read, is much more serious. Great on your new job but not so much on the wound. Why can't they transfer skin from your own body? Is your DR using this as a scare-tactic to get you to lose weight? Good luck and keep us posted!
    1959 days ago
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