Friday, October 12, 2012
I did. I threw away four dollars. At first I thought I was crazy for doing so. But again I see this as another step in the right direction that I wouldn't have to done in the past. Are you wondering yet why I threw away the four dollars?
I have had a few rough days here. One of those days I had to run to the store and on half impulse bought a container of natural peanut butter. I am out of my peanut butter, but I have Skippy here and could have made due with what I have until I got my regular jar at Costco, but I saw that container. It was a container from the store, so it was freshly made. It looked so appealing and I figured well it is only $4, so put it in my cart. BIG MISTAKE!
I got home and immediately tried it upon taking it out of the bag. Not only was it the yummiest thing ever, I think it was mismarked on the label and not just roasted peanuts, they were HONEY roasted peanuts peanut butter. Goodness it was heavenly. I put in the fridge and never stayed out of the first day. I kept going back and taking little spoonfuls, mind you this is during my binge day as well. This didn't help my binging at all. I couldn't leave the peanut butter alone.
The next day I woke up and put the container in the back of the fridge, thinking out of sight out of mind.....guess what???? NOPE, it was on my mind all the time, I again was in that container non stop. Little spoonfuls, piece of toast with the peanut butter on it, some with an apple. It was crazy.
Yesterday morning, the thoughts of it started again, so I got up and threw it away. My DH thought I was crazy and told me to at least bring it to my parents house (my family are skippy eaters) or give it to someone who would eat it. Nope, it went in the trash and then the trash went out to the big container.
Now I know what lots of people are probably thinking, as my husband stated when I tried explaining myself to him. "but peanut butter is healthy and putting on toast and apples isn't so horrible either".
Well for me it is horrible. When you could finish the pound of peanut butter in less than three days THAT IS HORRIBLE! I learned that peanut butter is a trigger food for me and when I am in a bad state of mind, it is going to be even worse. I will admit, I do little amounts of peanut butter on a spoon daily. Guess what else, I don't track it. It is never more than a teaspoon and I figure it is healthy for me and isn't going to hurt my overall plans. I know if I started eating more or gaining weight that would be the first thing I looked at as well. I also think the fact that my normal jar of peanut butter goes into the cupboard that has a lock on it (this is due to I keep my chocolate chips and baking goods in there and two times before Samuel was two, he got in there and dumped the bags of chips and ate them off the floor) So having the lock on it makes it not so accessible and when if I binge it is all about easy to get to and put in my mouth.
So, the peanut butter went in the garbage even though it cost me $4 and DH was bothered that I did it. I don't care, I know for me it was one of the best things I did for myself this past week during the situation going on at my house and let me tell you I still did exercising during this bad time I had, one night I had a horrible eating day and still went and ran 5 miles, that is good for me. Throwing away the peanut butter was FAR better. It also gave me a feeling of control. Like I proved something to someone, though it was only to myself. I felt powerful when I was done. This morning I am feeling better than I have all week, maybe that powerful feeling is helping who knows.
I do know that I do it again. There is no reason to keep something around that is going to deter you so much from your goals and that is what it would do to me. I ate TOO MUCH of it, which in turn makes me feel guilty and that usually leads to me eating more food. The same goes for eating something you aren't enjoying, just because you think you should. My daughter is again trying to regain her control of food and for two days in a row had eggs for breakfast and ate them. Then says last night, she hates them. Then don't eat them! There are plenty of options out there for healthy meals that you will enjoy!
Speaking of eggs and totally off the topic here though, I am enjoy egg meals in a cup. Using a mug, you make scrambles with lots of stuff in them. Yesterday I did one with cheese, light sausage and eggs. This morning I used leftover chicken fajita stuff and did that with the eggs. YUMMY.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!