I haven't really felt like blogging that much lately. Could be that school work and little spark-sparkiness has been enough computer time for me. Sometimes the computer just needs to take a rest. But I also know it's good for me to get some of myself on the page. Can't shed if I hold on to myself.

I have been thinking a lot about bullying. We all think it sucks. I know. I have been looking and observing my own behaviors over the last year or so and have come to realize that at this point if someone ever feels that I am bullying them, they are in a pretty sad space. I handle confrontation clearly and concisely. If the best one can do is hold my meaning negatively, they must do so much more harm to themselves and with absolutely no help from me.

I am an honest person. I have a sturdy sense of humor. I am sensitive to how others feel. I use tact and stay aware of all circumstances around me in most situations. I have become a dedicated student in observation. If truth hurts, must there be blame? I believe it is to be understood. Don't we strive for truth? The truth in others as well as ourselves? Is there forgiveness without truth? Do I blame someone else for hurting my feelings if they did so unintentionally? If so, how does that affect me? If I am holding on to unintended negativity what is the purpose? I can only come up with this : higher esteem.

What is esteem? Is it status? Knowledge? Whatever it is, I don't believe it is ever truly reached without positive stride through negative waters.

There is bullying in this world. I have met more bullies than I would like and they come in all guises including meek. They hurt or use fear to control others. Or, deeper still, they cannot control themselves. This is not me. In the past, I confess to falling into their traps here and there and allowing myself to become a mirror to them. Which I have since learned to control. I don't hurt people on purpose. I don't want to scare people. As far as controlling myself, well, I learn more about that everyday.

If I see that someone is holding negativity at my expense, I will continue to simply remove myself from their vicinity (mentally or physically), stand tall, with my heart forward and with passion.

When we choose pain over healing what does that create?

Dare I say when someone holds another responsible for unintended malice they are the bully themselves.

It takes two to tango. I choose healing. I choose peace. I choose understanding. I choose to forgive. (I may even forgive the bully but that doesn't mean I have to share my life with them).