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    RIDMYCOCOON   21,182
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Where I Stand with the Bully


Thursday, October 11, 2012

I haven't really felt like blogging that much lately. Could be that school work and little spark-sparkiness has been enough computer time for me. Sometimes the computer just needs to take a rest. But I also know it's good for me to get some of myself on the page. Can't shed if I hold on to myself.

I have been thinking a lot about bullying. We all think it sucks. I know. I have been looking and observing my own behaviors over the last year or so and have come to realize that at this point if someone ever feels that I am bullying them, they are in a pretty sad space. I handle confrontation clearly and concisely. If the best one can do is hold my meaning negatively, they must do so much more harm to themselves and with absolutely no help from me.

I am an honest person. I have a sturdy sense of humor. I am sensitive to how others feel. I use tact and stay aware of all circumstances around me in most situations. I have become a dedicated student in observation. If truth hurts, must there be blame? I believe it is to be understood. Don't we strive for truth? The truth in others as well as ourselves? Is there forgiveness without truth? Do I blame someone else for hurting my feelings if they did so unintentionally? If so, how does that affect me? If I am holding on to unintended negativity what is the purpose? I can only come up with this : higher esteem.

What is esteem? Is it status? Knowledge? Whatever it is, I don't believe it is ever truly reached without positive stride through negative waters.

There is bullying in this world. I have met more bullies than I would like and they come in all guises including meek. They hurt or use fear to control others. Or, deeper still, they cannot control themselves. This is not me. In the past, I confess to falling into their traps here and there and allowing myself to become a mirror to them. Which I have since learned to control. I don't hurt people on purpose. I don't want to scare people. As far as controlling myself, well, I learn more about that everyday.

If I see that someone is holding negativity at my expense, I will continue to simply remove myself from their vicinity (mentally or physically), stand tall, with my heart forward and with passion.

When we choose pain over healing what does that create?

Dare I say when someone holds another responsible for unintended malice they are the bully themselves.

It takes two to tango. I choose healing. I choose peace. I choose understanding. I choose to forgive. (I may even forgive the bully but that doesn't mean I have to share my life with them).
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
ANATASHIKI 10/12/2012 3:46AM

    fortunatelly I only had to deal with bullies when I was little . and I beat them all. some of them became friends. the guys of course , the girls never bullied me. when I meet an agressive person now, I jump to their carotids. not a wise thing ,I know, but my reason flies away in those moments. but you know , sometimes we hurt people more sensitive than us without noticing . I always try to fix things cause I really don't want to hurt anyone.

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ME_HERE_NOW 10/11/2012 9:36PM

    often i don't think it's as much what we say to someone, as how someone reads it, due to their past issues & present hurts...you can't please everyone all the time, but you can be true to you. keep shining you little spark!! i admire your toughness and honesty, it has often made me think of things from a different perspective - a less selfish one. xoxo.

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BIGPAWSUP 10/11/2012 7:16PM

    Wow - awesome blog. Honesty is so under appreciated.

Thank you for sharing such insights. Stand tall and don't let them get to you.

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SOULFISH80 10/11/2012 6:29PM

    "When we choose pain over healing, what does that create?" Wow, that is the question of the day. I was speaking on this very topic to my sister earlier this afternoon. Yes, the same sister I asked so much help from you on last year, who is now back to "normal" and is processing everything that happened to her. She was a bit teary eyed and regretful/apologetic today. I had to let her know that she has no reason for apologies and that even though we couldn't help her at that time, we all knew that she was sick and needed help, not just being a pain in the butt for no reason. So our conversation took us to my father, who choose (wether conciously or not) to stick to the side of pain over healing, for close to the last 20 years. I'll tell you where his road of pain led......he is alone, ailing physically in nearly all areas. Barely able to walk (he is only in his early 50's) or function physically on his own. He has no friends or family that could stand by his road to destruction because his condition ended up causing him to be mentally unstable and physically abusive. This was a tender, intelligent, funny, handsome, caring, amazing man. A man I admired more than God. A man I am still proud to call my father. However, he let a few bumps on the road of life strip him of everything. He could not process what the bullies did to him, so he drank/ate himself to death and became an even more unstable bully himself. So, to answer your question from a personal POV, you, my love, are on the only true path to a life worth living. Don't ever stop forgiving, loving, moving on, it's not worth it. Pain, long term, will kill us. It's never worth it, no matter how big, bad or scary the bully is.........healing and love is ALWAYS the answer. Of course you already know that, and that is what allows you to shine like a million suns, and makes us all adore you, withou ever having met you! And before I tear up thinking how lovely you are, I will say adieu. Thanks for the blog. I always knew I'd get some free counseling out of this site! Love you.

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