Thursday, October 11, 2012
Woke up this morning and was grateful that I did not over eat. I went to sleep without eating. My son woke up a couple of times and I still didn't eat. I feel grateful that I didn't have to suffer through it too. I didn't have a strong desire to eat and I didn't have hunger or cravings. What was different about last night? I even watched Survivor, which is usually a trigger, watching hungry people get food rewards and enjoying it so much. What I did differently yesterday is I kept working toward my goal. I went for a walk and played with my son at the park even though I was in pain. I tracked my food. I tracked my calories before I ate dinner so that I knew how much I would go over if I ate. I ate more during the day so that I wasn't hungry at night. Today I will eat the food on the food plan, track my food , put my son in the stroller and go for a 30 minute walk. Download some new music to keep me motivated. Oh yes that is another thing I have been doing is listening to music. I haven't been listening to songs that really move me since my husband left me. But I have been listening to our old love songs and allowing myself to feel some of the feelings I used to feel for him. Then allowing myself to feel sad that he is not with me. Then feel a new kind of love for him. A love that is unconditional and forgives and appreciates who he is as a man and my sons father. I am putting aside the anger I feel toward him. It serves no purpose. I want to model for my son how to accept Daddy the way he is and recognize the flaws but not let that get in the way of feeling love for him. To my son Daddy is a super hero. That is how it should be. As my son gets older and sees Daddy is human and has flaws he will need to know how to forgive and love his Dad.
Wow, I started writing this about food and the difficulty I have with night cravings and then it turned into a blog about forgiving my husband. The food and cravings are just the symptom of burried difficult feelings.