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CGG111's blog challenge (Q1), life, and running

Thursday, October 11, 2012

I'm going to join in on this blogging challenge:

Question 1. Review a book you recently read.

This would require me to have actually finished a book recently, right? Sadly, I have not finished a book since August. The last book I finished was 'Between the Lines' by Jodi Picoult & Samantha Van Leer. It was just too fluffy. I never really got into it. The book before that was 'Coming Apart' by Charles Murray. I ate that up. I *loved* it. I wish that more people would read it and discuss it and think about what he says.

I am currently reading Wonder by R. J. Palacio aloud to my daughter (who has a craniofacial syndrome). My son who doesn't want to admit (1) that he likes to be read to and (2) that he cares about the subject matter finds a way to listen when I am reading. Because I try only to read it when both kids have the time to be listening and my son is 'around' (not hiding in his room), we're making slow progress. It's an interesting read. I don't find her take on craniokids very close to our own experience (my daughter SEEMS much less negative about the whole situation than Auggie does) but I think that my son sees a lot of similarity to his own situation. They haven't gotten much into the mother's POV yet so I can't really talk about that except that I relate well to feeling both badly that I spend so much more energy meeting my daughter's needs than my son AND that the time I spend with my daughter is so much less fun than the time I spend with my son.

You can read more about Wonder here: www.slate.com/articles/d


Life goes on.

Thanks to those who took time to comment, commiserate, offer advice on my last entry. DH did ask yesterday what I was mad about. I was glad by then that I had processed enough to be able to, honestly, tell him that I'm not mad. Just sad and tired. I'm really, really worn down by the ongoing stress related to his job. I'm sure it's worse for him as it is HIS job. But that doesn't take away from the fact that it's hard for me. He's looking to me to 'fix things', to put our relationship back on track, and right now I am just too worn down by the whole situation to have any energy for that. I've been carrying too much of our family all by myself for too long while he remains focused like a laser beam on work. I don't really know how to fix that when there is no end in sight to his preoccupation. If he can't share in the raising of our children (forget share in the task of nurturing our relationship) then I just keep running closer and closer to empty. I try to 'fill myself back up' but I feel like I do more and more to try to take care of myself and it's having less and less of an effect. I feel it emotionally and I feel it physically. I am exhausted.

We decided to do a simple dinner tomorrow (probably takeout pizza or subs) and a nice dessert (chocolate fondue with cake, strawberries, bananas) with sweet sparkling wine. That meal can be done even if he works late (and he's taking our son out to a scout camp out after work so even if he left at normal time, dinner would be late). We might go out for a fancier meal on Saturday but it feels sort of silly. We can't go out alone so we might as well just say we are going out, not we are going out for our anniversary. I'm OK with all of that. I think at 16 years we are past the need to do anything elaborate. Giftwise we decided to get separate rooms on our Mediterranean cruise next summer and I think we're going to look at the possible excursions and pick one of those to be our anniversary gift. We rarely do anniversary gifts and when we do they tend to be something for the house or something related to travel.


Running update:
Running for 2012:
139.5 miles + 3.25 miles = 142.75 miles
next 5K in 2 days

Treadmill run. Did the 5K program. Finished in 28:18. I have no idea if that's a best or not. Close but maybe not my best. I expect to finish under that time on Saturday.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    My DH is a workaholic too and it, simply put, erodes our relationship. I had a holiday without DH recently, he joined me for some of it, I found it replenished me.

    I've started to stop filling in the gaps for DH. I used to do for him because I had more time then I realized it was enabling him to stay divorced from his real needs. Somehow he seems to have started assuming I am responsible for his care and feeding. So now he has to take his turn cooking and doing a little bit more cleaning than before, I figure it puts him in touch with human realities and it also puts him at home more than before. Seems to be kind of working, he is slowing down and getting more down time, who knows what the end will be?

    Well done you for running and taking care of yourself rather than eating for energy and comfort.
    1958 days ago
    emoticon hope you find a way to refill yourself.
    1958 days ago
    Thank you for this challenge-am joining in. It is important sometimes to focus on life outside of where the stress exists (when family members have medical conditions, this is a valuable lesson to learn) and I definitely need an outside focus.I could go on and on about when one is "empty." I think woman are the ones who will say we are empty but then not believe it ourselves (therefore we continue to nurture all our relationships so is it any surprise that others believe we have an endless supply?) I am sorry you are experiencing this but glad that you are at a young age learning this valuable lesson - you have to take care of you!And sometimes that is sitting down, saying I can't do this (whatever it is) anymore, and not doing it. I have learned sometimes others will pick it up (and sometimes not) -yet my world has not crashed down yet. emoticon emoticon
    1958 days ago
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