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I Need Support! Too many losses .....

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Once again, I am grieving inwardly from another loss of a family member to cancer. Although, I am adopted, I have had the privilege of meeting my natural mother, half-sister, brother-in-law, nephew and uncle and his family over (30) years ago while visiting Germany. Since then, my family in Germany and I have remained in contact via telephone calls, emails and occasional visits. Last month, my German mother lost her battle to breast cancer.

Usually, I am a very positive and upbeat person. However, grief has become a very natural part of my life. Prior to the death of my natural mother, I have lost an additional (5) beloved family members within a 4-year span. I lost my beloved husband, adoptive parents, mother-in-law and German uncle. Because I have three children and two grandsons, including my sister who is taking our mother’s death very hard, I have been the strong anchor of support for my immediate family to lean on.

September and October has been very difficult months for me. Due to my late husband‘s death and financial struggles, my teenaged sons and I were forced to downsize by moving away from the wonderful home we once lived in last month. While I was moving, my natural mother passed away 2 weeks prior to her birthday. In fact in the past (4) years beginning in October due to birthday celebrations and upcoming holidays, my children and grandsons depend on me to continue our holiday traditions that were once passed down by my adoptive parents, natural mother and mother-in-law. Since then I have also created new traditions and memories to help ease the grief my children and I feel because of the absences of our loved ones.

This week, I am in need of moral support, prayers and hugs. I feel so alone and isolated. I am feeling the overwhelming sadness of my loved ones deaths, the variety of cancer that has taken each one of them and am having a hard time remaining strong for my children’s sake, while my heart is breaking inside. I know it’s normal to feel this grief. However, I can’t seem to have enough time to let go of one death from a loved one, before another passing occurs. Each cancer has been brutal in the way the diseases took my love ones away. I witnessed three of them. Though, I feel blessed to have been with each one of them, it has taken a toll on me. I know that I can carry on with the inner strength and courage it takes at times, but just for this week, I don’t want to do it alone. Please, be here for me. I really need you all. God bless you for taking the time to read my blog.

~ Monika ~ emoticon
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  • JILL313
    Monika, I am so sorry to hear about all the losses you've had in recent years--then the loss of your home has to be devastating. We all care about you and grief does take a tremendous toll on us. . .so talk it out here or with your family or friends as it'll help you feel just a little better. I'm glad you're not holding everything in and it's good to verbalize how you feel. Like someone else said do you have a Minister or someone you can tell it like it is to? I will keep you in my prayers. Remember all the good times and just know your loved ones wouldn't want you to lose yourself in the grief. Take one day at a time and just do what you can. It's especially hard during the holidays when you don't feel in the Holiday spirit. It's good for you to be with family and friends and get out of the house from time to time doing something you enjoy. I'm sorry that you have to go through all this but maybe it's the way you handle grief and just know it will get easier with time and adjustment. We lose a piece of ourselves when we see someone close to us suffer and then pass on to Heaven. Just remember they no longer are in pain or suffering in any way. It's you, I'm concerned about. Take care.


    Jill emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1930 days ago

    I'm so sorry for the pain you are suffering right now. The loss of our loved ones can be devastating, particularly to have so much loss so quickly. Holidays make it extra difficult. It is always the holiday traditions that provide the most sustenance--not the gifts. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
    1930 days ago
    Monkia so sorry to hear of your loss. Please remember I am here for you and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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    1930 days ago
    I am right there with you! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    May our Heavenly Father wrap you in His arms right this moment and comfort you. You need to make the time to grieve each loss - you cannot always be so strong.
    I lost a daughter 31 years ago - the year that she died was the hardest I had ever been through - we lost 17 people in our family that year. I felt like I never stopped crying - in fact I did not stop crying - it took me a few years to grieve all the grief that I held bottled up inside.
    Monica - find your solace in Him and grieve.
    Love you much my sister in Jesus!
    Take care of you!
    1930 days ago
  • SCOOTER4263
    A couple years ago I went through a similar run of horror. There are no words to help you, really - you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other until you emerge from this terrible time. It's even harder when other people are counting on you to help them manage their grief when you can't even manage your own. Before you can really get back on your feet, another wave flattens you, and this can be so completely overwhelming.

    Nap, if you can, when you can - the brain incorporates changes during sleep, and helps you to realize what changes have occurred. Try to eat reasonably healthfully - if I caught so much as a head cold, all my resilience went down the tubes. Besides, you need to save your strength to clock those people who tell you, "I know just how you feel!" or "You'll feel better soon." They don't, and you won't, but you will feel a bit better eventually if you allow it to happen.

    You'll never be the same person that you were before, or have the things or the life that you had before. You can, however, still have a life worth living, and emerge from this awful time a stronger, more compassionate person than you ever thought possible. I was helped by a counselor from the Hospice Center - they usually offer group or individual counseling at sliding fees (their goal is to help you, not make money) and can be a wonderful resource, if only to help you understand some of the feelings that you have.

    Kudos to you for having the strength and common sense to reach out to others for help and support. Not everyone (and not I - I hid in my house for a year) has this courage.

    God bless you, sweetheart.
    1930 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/11/2012 1:07:59 PM
    Monika, thank you for reaching out and asking for support. At least you got to be in contact with her before she was taken away. The pain we feel when we lose someone is often a measure of what a blessing they were in our lives.
    1930 days ago
    Monika, You've had way too much happen in your life to continue with a goal of "Being strong for others." Sometimes you have to let others be strong for you. I'm glad you reached out to your spark friends here. Reach out to others as well. One of the things about friends and family is that we take turns carrying each other when the road gets too rough. Take your turn to be carried. We love you and we are here for you. awhile. I don't have the experience with cancer loss that you do, but I grew up in a coal mining community. I lost a lot of people I loved to the mines and to black lung. It can get overwhelming. Please know that you are in our hearts and you can always turn to us. emoticon
    1930 days ago
    I am sooooo sorry for all your losses, Thinking of you and your family girl. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1930 days ago
  • 1HAPPYSPIRIT sorry to hear of your losses. Cancer has taken so many loved ones in our lives....and it has touched so many families and loved ones!

    Your LEMON sisters (and soul sister) are always here for you. Remain steadfast and strong with your faith. Be there for your family members as well!

    Always keeping you in my prayers and positive thoughts!

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    1930 days ago
    Monika , i am so sorry to hear of this . I am here, the death of loved ones , is hard but cancer and loss of the home are awful . As a previous poster said if you attend church check with them for physical support sometimes a touch is so powerful . Music is also very powerful Christy Lane , sings Footprints in the sand ,the for mentioned poem . YOU ARE NOT ALONG .HUGS and PRAYERS . Dottie
    1930 days ago
    I'm sending prayers your way as you continue your passage through the grieving process. You don't have to be alone.

    You may be helped by grieving support groups or AA meetings. Sparkpeople will always be here for you, of course. But you may need the actual touch of other people who understand your journey.

    Sending love, Monika.

    1930 days ago
    Those you love and who have loved you never leave you...
    They are a part of you forever and to honor them you should keep trying to live life to the fullest as They would want for You.
    1930 days ago
    You aren't alone. You have had more to deal with in a short time than most. Not only that but only someone who has lost a loved one to cancer can understand how hard it is to watch that disease take over. I've found this is a safe place to post and receive support.
    The loss of your home in addition to the family is something that is also devastating. As women we often look to our homes as our security so that adds to your feeling of being alone.
    If you are a member of a church I suggest that you check to see if they have a grief support group. that may help you address each loss in a way that you can better handle it. While you are not alone because you have support here being with other people who have similar losses can help.

    This is a poem/prayer that has often carried me through tough times:
    Last night I had a dream. I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonged to me, the other to the Lord.
    After the last scene of my life flashed before me, I looked back at the footprints in the sand. I noticed that at many times along the path of my life, especially at the very lowest and saddest times, there was only one set of footprints.
    This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it. "Lord, you said once I decided to follow you, You'd walk with me all the way. But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life, there was only one set of footprints. I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me."
    The Lord replied, "My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of suffering, when you could see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

    1930 days ago
    Monika~ I am sorry to read of your loss. I can relate to how you feel, as I lost both my parents to cancer within a 2 1/2yr time period. Both of which, I was their nurse.
    While people say time heals, it really doesn't. However, there will come a time and day that the pain won't hurt as much. Grief counseling was instrumental to me and something you should look into.

    You aren't alone~ you have your LEMON family to lean on~~ we are here for you!


    1930 days ago
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