Thursday, October 11, 2012
I have been working really hard on my self esteem and how I interact with people around me for the past 2 weeks. I look at this weight loss journey as a time to change all of me, just not my weight but my attitude in general.
For many years I was a pushover, always doing what others wanted, never saying "no" to a request. Then I went to the other end of the spectrum and lashed out at the world and couldn't give a fig what anyone wanted. I was wounded, crying out for help and yet snapping at those who claimed to love me for me. I have been trying to work on that for the past month now. I try not to let the littlest things set me off (yet I still have two or three people who are my main triggers), I try to find joy in everyday and every occasion. I feel that my stress level has gone down exponentially and that I am not as angry with the world lately.
I realize that to keep my self esteem high I have to analyze what is bothering me and make a conscious effort to let it go and not dwell on it. Exercise and healthy eating habits have helped tremendously, the high that I get off of just exercising, specially after zumba classes, just keeps me going. That, and a few times a week I just lay down in my room with soft ambient lighting while listening to spa-type music as I drift off to sleep helps me to relax (I don't know how to meditate so this is the closest I can get to that zen feeling.)
I gotta move on for me, for my kids, for my sanity. I will improve my life, my health, and I will strengthen my friendships and my marriage. I promise to work on these goals everyday of my life.
With love, the future me