Thursday, October 11, 2012
I want to start out by saying that I am not ignoring all the wonderful supportive comments I have received on my Scary Place blog. I am just kinda chilling about the whole thing right now and want to give them the proper responses. I can't begin to tell you all how amazing it makes me feel that I have such great friends here on spark that I am able to get that kind of support.
I am still not feeling 100% myself yet. My usual, get up and tackle the day like the superhero I usually feel like. I have been trying to analyze things each moment of each day and let me tell you, it is exhausting! I need to relax a little bit and just focus on one thing at a time. Yesterday was probably one of the worst days of eating I have had since I started SP. One of my Sparkfriends referred to the fact that I was on auto pilot and auto pilot likes to eat. This made such perfect sense to me. So I need to break free of that cycle in even small ways. That was why I did the exercising last night. It was late, but I knew even if it didn't make me feel like a million bucks and like things were going to be back on track, I figured I wouldn't regret it and it was something that that old me wouldn't do, which I felt was breaking free of auto pilot.
I also am wondering about how much my sleeping habits right now are playing into effect. I am still going to bed at the same time and waking at the same time, but I don't sleep well at all. I hear every sound that goes off in my house lately, probably deep down due to knowing how my daughter is feeling. The other issue is with my shoulder. I am using a heating pad when I go to bed, which helps a lot with the tightness and dull pains I am feeling still. Then I wake up when it has cooled down and heat it back up again. Last night it was very painful and I took meds in the middle of the night along with heating up the pad three times. This isn't how I can live for the rest of my life. So, next week I have a billion appointments with daughter, hopefully we will get a schedule for her and then I can move on to taking care of my shoulder. I also should probably make sure I am modifying any moves I am doing on my opposite days from running. I am sure doing the JM dvd last night didn't help my shoulders much at all. Anyhow, I am tending to get up at six and get the big kids off to school and then sit on the couch. Normal me, would be up making my own breakfast and tea when they left and then starting my day. The past few days I am sitting on the couch, nodding off if Samuel isn't awake or mostly he will sit with me and cuddle in and watch a movie. When I wake up from a nap, I notice I have a hard time making good food choices. I have NO clue why this is. But I do KNOW for a fact that when I was at my worst two years ago I was in this same pattern. My big kids would leave and I would go back to bed until 8-8:30 and then make horrible food choices.
So, I vowed not to do that today. I made myself stay awake and though I did rest, I wouldn't let myself nod off. It is a catch 22 though, on one hand I NEED the sleep, since I am not getting any, but on the other hand the sleep isn't my helping my inner person (or outer person if I keep eating that way) so I have to try something else. I am hoping that maybe after a couple of days I will be ready to crash at night and go to bed super early and fall asleep. We will see how this goes. I am going to finish up here and do some Pilates (not anything with legs though, I think that isn't helping my runs lately, which have been horrible as well.....) and some Qi Gong which I tried the other day and really enjoyed. Then it is my "funnest" day of the week.....cleaning day! Did some last night, but still have enough to do along with getting Samuel to the library and daughter to an xray appointment! Woohoo, off we go, I hope you all have a wonderful day!