Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Until now I have remained a bit anonymous on the site. My user name doesn't really say that much about me other than I am obese. (I mean really...how tall would you have to be for your goal weight to be 242?) My message board signature doesn't have my name - just a couple of my favorite quotes. I don't have my name listed on my Spark home page. I didn't have a photo of me on my page - until now.
The reason? It's a bit silly, but I was embarrassed. What if someone I know in person comes across my Spark page? *gasp* If I put my name with my profile then, people would know that I am working on losing weight...the horror! Did I really think that the people that know me personally don't know that I am overweight? Just what kind of silly girl am I anyway? Who knows...some of my wonderful friends or family members may be looking for the right time or place to speak with me about my health...this could be a relief for them!
I was also embarrassed to admit to people that I meet here on SparkPeople just how bad off I was. Like the weight loss ticker doesn't spoil that surprise. What would people think of me? I feared rejection...that people would think less of me because of my size. You know why? Because I think less of me for letting myself get into this shape! And, the real kicker is: not thinking very highly of myself is the main reason that I let myself go! Ahhhhh...the cycle never ends, you see?
When I joined the site, I knew I had to lose weight and become healthy in a new way - what I did before didn't work for the long run.
- I have to address the emotional issues that trigger my overeating and poor food choices. I use the journal here to write about those things.
- I have to be cautious about who I tell about this adventure. Let's face it - some people are food 'dealers' that just can't wait for us to fail.
- I have to make time to plan and log my food. The Food Tracker is a bit tedious at times but, it is becoming more 'natural' to me as the days go by.
- I have to be purposeful about my physical activity. I know if I don't get it in first thing - I won't get it in.
But, most of all...
- I have to love and appreciate my body as it is RIGHT NOW! I am in amazingly good health...no blood pressure or blood sugar problems...no arthritis/joint problems (although standing for any length of time was beginning to be bothersome). I am able to move about on my own and tend to all of my own needs...there are so many people (of all sizes and ages) that can't say that! My senses are in good working order - well, I do wear glasses. I am fairly intelligent and would be considered to be of sound mind. My emotional and spiritual health is growing stronger. Again, there are a lot of people that can't make those statements either!
That's right, I must affirm who I am and what I look like right now in order to be affirming of who I am and what I look like when I lose weight. That is why I now have a real profile picture on my page. Look at that face! You might not be able to tell, but I have beautiful skin with a scattering of freckles - a face without freckles is like a night without stars, you know!
I weighed, recorded my measurements and took pictures (in my swim suit) when I first started this journey. I look at the pictures at least once a week and say something positive/affirming about my body when I look at them. When I first started, I felt even bigger than I looked - partly because I was so out of shape and partly because I was so down on myself. Now, I feel smaller than I look! I am already so much more active than I was AND my attitude about myself is changing. I didn't join Spark to feel better about me - what a wonderful bonus! And, I think that is going to make all the difference in the world!
Oh, by the way, my name is Trae and you are looking pretty good over there, too!