Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Growing up I was never the skinny kid, but never the fat kid either. I was very active in gymnastics, though I was heavy for being a gymnast. The first time I was told to lose weight I was in 5th grade. My coaches told me I needed to lose 10lbs. I didn't even really know what that meant but I told my Mom and she started to pressure me about my weight. I dont know if I ever lost the weight, I suspect I didnt because I didnt really know how. Those days I was doing gymnastics 4 days a week for 3 1/2 hours a day. I could do 30 pullups at a time, 50 push ups, hundreds of sit ups. I was in incredible shape.
Around that age I became VERY self conscious about my body. I always wanted to wear large, oversized tops to hide my thighs. I remember looking in the mirror criticizing my body. My Mom never offered support, she just criticized me. But I never knew how to help myself, looking back I really didn't need to. I ate a grapefruit and orange for lunch at school and ate only what my Mom fed me at home.
Fast forward to freshman year of high school. Due to some very serious problems with my feet I had to quit gymnastics and the only sport I was cleared to do was cheerleading. I transferred to my new school and made the cheerleading squad. My Mom was worried I would gain weight from not being a gymnast and she would put me on diets. She told me I could only eat 1000 calories a day, or she would put me on a cabbage soup diet. To this day she buys me every weight loss product on the market.
The first time I learned anything about eating to stay healthy was my 2nd year of college. I lived in a apartment with my best friend Connor, and 2 other guys Tim and Ry. They were both body builders and Ry did body shows. They taught me about how to workout and how to eat whole grains, lean meats and veggies. I started eating well and working out a little and got in better shape. I dont know my weight but I was a size 6, which was a good size for me. I was fit but not skinny.
I stayed that way for years until I ended up in a long term relationship. We stopped working out and we ate, a lot. We both gained weight, him more than me. My weight crept on slowly. I gained 4-8 lbs a year or so until I reached where I am now, 75 lbs more than I was and completely out of shape. I eventually married someone else and had 2 babies, I didnt gain weight with either baby but they wreaked havoc on my body. My stomach is horrible, and my skin is stretched out. I can barely do a sit up now. But Im a SAHM and the easiest way for me to ignore my body was to hang out in sweats and tees and not even try on jeans.
I finally decided to make a change and I put on my old jeans. I can squeeze myself into a 16! Just terrible! Then my husband took pictures of me on my birthday a week ago. I could not believe how big I am! I decided that this is it, I will get back into shape and be a good healthy role model for my kids.
I want to have at least 2 more kids and I want the pregnancies to be easier than my first two. I want to be healthy enough to run with them, and play tag and do healthy activities without being the fat Mom on the sidelines.