Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Today there was no Wall.
No fighting, pushing, reminding. No
"Just finish this song."
"Just one more minute."
"I know I can do a little more."
No inch by inch until the end.
Today there was only joy.
Just a voice that said Yes
Sometime soon I'll go back to my journal & how I got here with running. It's so strange to me now, to see where I started versus where I am.
I didn't run at all on vacation - we were too tired at night, and too eager to get going each morning. But I did WALK. and WALK AND WALK AND WAAAAAAALK. I estimate that except for the days we were traveling on planes, and the day we took a train tour, we walked 5-8 hours a day. Some was slow walking (walking around in a museum) but we also hiked all over cities, and hiked through woods on a mountain, and up huge hills. It was crazy, and fun.
There was one moment - the nice part is, I can't remember exactly when it happened anymore - but I remember one moment feeling fat and out of shape and cranky with myself. But I just reminded myself that it would have been a very different trip six months ago. Before I lost 25 pounds and started running.
Mostly I had sore, sore feet!
But it was amazing. We had fun, and learned things, and saw amazing places. We took great pictures and bought fun souvenirs, and didn't break the bank.
I did take a few moments to notice that Europeans are way thinner than Americans. I mean, I knew that, but seeing it is something else. I was the fattest person in the room every single day except the flight home.
Which could have been rough, but I just reminded myself of what I've accomplished, plus I could not only buckle my airplane seatbelt, I could pull some of the strap through to tighten it.
I should explain that I have A Thing with the airplane seatbelt.
It's my white whale. Nothing else is ever the last straw. I don't know why. Seeing 300 on the scale, having some of my 22s get a little tight, barely fitting in and being pinched by the theater seats on Broadway (the last show I went to at my top weight, I had bruises on my hips when I got home.). All those things upset me, but none made me say "All right, this is IT. I am DONE."
But that airplane seatbelt. ARGH. It is my nemesis. I refuse - REFUSE! to ask for the belt extender. I never have, even at my highest weight. But I've had a couple of close calls, where sucking it in, using my legs to press myself as far back in the chair as possible, holding my breath, and PRAYING, I barely got the buckle to click together. I nearly cried once, just thinking about pushing the call button to ask for the extender. That's been my "this is IT." moment. (If I could have an airline seat installed in my house, and put a Sharpie line on the belt where it is at goal weight, I'd probably never gain weight again. I'm such a weirdo...)
So I was both excited and nervous to fly -25 pounds. Would it be not a close call, but still an effort to buckle? Easy to buckle? Buckle + extra belt?
Yeah, I got about 4-5" of extra belt. I was pretty psyched. I took a picture of my belt, with my hand holding up the extra. Hahaha. When I get it off my camera I'll post it for you guys.
I didn't write down my food. I kind of wanted to go back and log everything but, meh. I'm just gonna let it be. Too much work to try and remember.
We discovered early on that we were at the beginning of winter season, so most of the touristy places had really short hours (like 10-4 or 11-3). We didn't want to waste time stopping for lunch mid-day, plus most days we forgot to even think about it, we were go go go. So most days we had big breakfast + early dinner.
I was still worried though. I still consider my portion size skills and all that pretty delicate. Not to be trusted. I think I did okay with some things, but worried about others. I worried a little, but it was also kind of nice to just.... eat. Just, have a meal. I did do things like not finish all the fries/mashed potatoes with things. It helps that portion sizes are not so crazy outrageous there. That was nice. The food was like... food-sized. Not trough-sized. (ha)
I was hoping to maintain on vacation. I was 276 the morning we left.
Sunday night getting back, I stepped on the scale and saw 271.4.
WHAT. WHAT?! Yeah, I lost almost 5 pounds with all that walking walking mountain climbing walking!
I didn't log that weight because I still don't trust my scale, or my body, the first time I see a "new" number. I need to see it again before I believe it's real! The next day I was 271.8, so I logged 272 in SP, but then yesterday I think I was 271.1! I forgot to weigh myself this morning, I was in such a hurry to get dressed for the gym, but I'm excited to see where I am at the end of the week!
I was also worried about whether I'd get back on track when we got home. Monday was the biggest challenge! We were back but I'd taken the day off work, so it was a lying around the house day. I did track my food though. Went over by ~70 calories but nothing too crazy. I'm back on track yesterday & today for food (even with chocolates I brought back for my coworkers on my desk all day long). Went running this morning.
That's where I'm at today, though. Running. Not the food thing, that's fine, I don't even care. I was like... how is running going to go after a week off? I'd worked myself up to 32 minutes running (at my snail pace of 4.0mph) and run a practice 5k, but what would a little over a week off do to me? We got to the gym late so I didn't have time to attempt 32 minutes, but I went for 25. I only did 24, BUT:
I ran the first half at 4.3mph (my former "fastest" speed!). Normally at the halfway point I slow down a bit, from 4.0mph to 3.8 or 3.9. Today I sped up. 4.4, then 4.5. I felt great. I even did a few minutes at 4.7, and finished out at 4.5. This is amazing to me. Groundbreaking. I felt great right up to the last ~3 minutes. Normally I have to really fight with myself to keep pushing from the halfway point on.
I'm happy I had a great vacation. I'm happy I lost a few pounds. But mostly today I'm ECSTATIC because I feel like A Runner.