Wednesday, October 10, 2012
granted, at least I'm aware of my stress at the moment (and not in denial of it like some times and then i get ticked off), and have taken some steps to relieve it. trouble is, they could cause me more stress later on (like missing work and class today just so i can get some things done).
I was excited about this week when it came to monday. i had a job to work monday, one i want to work tues and thurs, and a job today, and some oral histories (and possibly a job) to take saturday. Wow, i was gonna be busy and making some money (which would help me out in a few weeks, of course)
But that plan's rapidly been going kaput. I realized all the little things i'd be doing at work and off work and all the different directions i'm being pulled--and thats not counting my research papers that i haven't even had a chance to start on yet. that's the tell-tale heart that's gonna start beating ever closer to my mind the closer i get to december.
I love to do different things and help out, but this month is like the perfect storm of way-too-much, and now i can't get out from under any of it. I am still working on the spaceship (though difficult, its technically one of my least stressful items, except for the expense in putting it together--which i'm putting a hold on right now), and now i've got a banner/poster for the new astronomy club that i'm putting together (will need to start planning it out and putting it together, it'll be needed for the table for a school event soon), today's homework assignments (one won't be so bad, the other i have to think on, and i wanna get them done by noon and e-mailed in), then work tomorrow (new job, technically, getting my info together and talking for about 4 hours straight on 6 tours on my 2nd solo-tour day--yesterday was my first)
Oh, and the research papers for classes, which usually i'd be working on right now and finishing up my preliminary research. now i have too many ideas where previously i had too few (or actually, i had my heart set on an idea for class and it turns out i couldn't use it--so that's half a ream of research info out the door--gah!). When November hits, i'll be in a researching and writing frenzy. Fall festival has to finish first.
Long story short (or at least to the point), i'm putting myself in a helluva lot of places at once and they always seem to converge. I've also got tuition due (payment plans stink, and that adds to my stress more than i'd like, but i've figured out what to do for this month if i have to, so i'm okay about that. I just gotta wonder what it is I'm doing. I mean, i love it, but then i get in the position where lots of people are relying on me and i can't let any of them down.
I think part of it is i think of things as mine. I don't remember really being like that, but i have ideas and then i wanna be the sole custodian of them. I can't quite remember when i got to doing things like that. Maybe its finally getting out of my shell and doing things with other people, now we all have some jobs to do and i'm anxious to help out and get my part done.
Anyhoo, I'm gonna try to calm down a bit this morning, get my homework done, and turn in these assignments so i can get out there and work today.