taking a breath, starting again
Tuesday, October 09, 2012
so, it's been a while.
I've been on and off SP for the last month or so, trying to be consistent with tracking but failing most of the time. I just didn't have the motivation at the end of the day.
one thing I was consistent with was the fitness tracker, since it always boosted my pride a bit to see my mileage go up each week while I stuck to my training schedule.
but mostly, I've slacked. I've been feeling kind of burnt out lately - on SP, on the training (although I stuck with it, I still felt burnt out about it), on most things. my job has been tough lately - unrelenting and mostly unrewarding. and I've been watching my weight creep back up, because I haven't exactly been focusing on the most nutritious foods. and the weight creep has me bummed out, so I've been going into "so what?" mode and reaching for all things peanut butter-flavored.
then two things happened.
first, my husband got diagnosed with testicular cancer. we just got the official diagnosis yesterday, but the doctors have been 99% sure about it for about two weeks. he had his surgery last week, and has been doing very well. his prognosis is excellent, with a nearly 100% recovery rate. I am so grateful for that, it is difficult to put into words. but things have happened so fast, it's been hard to process things. we've dealt with everything one test, one scan, one procedure at a time so far, so I'm not sure if the full weight of it has even hit me. all I know is I got a small look into what life would be like without him, and it made me feel like my legs were going to give out from underneath me.
second - in the middle of everything above - I ran my first marathon on sunday. I picked up a livestrong bracelet at the race expo and wore it throughout the race, and felt grateful for my health and my ability to run the whole time. well, maybe not the whole time - I'll admit it was hard to feel gratitude or anything else those last five miles. seeing my husband at mile 15 brought tears to my eyes, and sent adrenaline through my body. I hit mental and physical hurdles like I've never faced before, and I fought them in a knock-down-drag-out to the finish line. and I won. I finished in 5 hours and 20 minutes - certainly not setting any records. but I crossed that finish line with my dad right next to me, his arm around me, and I felt like such a champion.
taking care of my husband over the past couple of weeks, and running that race on sunday have both given me the most important reminder:
life is so, so precious, and we can do so, so much with it if we are willing to test ourselves.
my husband has some more tests coming up, but things are looking very positive. and running 26 miles has given me a new spark, to keep doing things that are good for me and that challenge me. I've signed up for a beginning ballet class; I'm subscribed to an online yoga, fitness, and healthy living website; I just registered today for a 15k next month.
I don't want to take my health for granted - I want to celebrate it and prolong it. and I want to take care of the dearest people in my life, so that they can be healthy too.
life really is such a sweet gift.