I've probably slipped down to the furthest I could or care to. I have completely stopped exercising, completely quit tracking. I've discovered more and more about myself and what I need in life though.

My biggest problem with exercising and eating healthy is probably those of the average. I hate to cook. I hate to get up and attempt to cook. I do not have cooking skills, and with most "Healthy" recipes my food is edible at best. I think I'd be much more inclined to cooking if I were fortunate enough to have any cooking classes in this area. But regretfully I don't. Let's be honest, we go out to eat because we like cooking. We go out because we enjoy other people cooking for us. Doing the work, washing the dishes, making tasty food. No matter how skilled you are with ramen noodles, there's a distinct difference between tasty food and food that good for you. No matter how you dress it up. If you can't cook a good "bad for you" meal the prospects of you good healthy meal with mediocre cooking skills. It's a taunting task, especially when you're cooking for more than one. Then you have critics. But isn't that why we're in this predictiment to begin with?

We put ourselves up, and dedicate everything to our families, our children (and if no children, then our pets), our careers, our everything we could give. Then you turn on the t.v., read magazines, hear about it from our friends, husbands about women who can supposedly do it better. They're beautiful, they are healthy, they can feed their families great fantastic meals and we're the horrible wives. Horrible cause we "let" ourselves go. Horrible cause Heaven forbid any woman who truly loves her husband would weigh over 150 lbs. That poor husband who must suffer through having an overweight wife who "doesn't bother taking care of herself"! "Couldn't she just get on a stairsteppper?"
"Ugh, why does he put up with thaaat?"

It's ridicule that we've all heard one point or another. SO why BOTHER cooking at home? Why bother day after day of exercise? Because it's suppose to be for us. Suppose to better ourselves. Suppose to MAKE better of ourselves. It's almost like trying to discover your purpose. It's difficult, messy, full of oops's and uh-ohs. And what you do won't always be perfect, but supposedly with trial and error you'll find your way again. Well that's what I'll be needing. Time for trial and error. A good and simple fall 7 times get back up 8.

But where do you start? I need to learn, or atleast discover a cook book with more than just recipes. Or a tv show, or a website. I've used Spark Recipes, but if anyone knows about a learning visual, I'd most appreciate a point in the right direction.

My plan is simple. Start again with walks, and attempt to learn everything possible about cooking.

I just hope I'll find it again. The spark. The reason.