Tuesday, October 09, 2012
Sooo this "diet"/lifestyle thing is way easier than all the previous times! I used to be embarrassed to tell people I was dieting, eating healthier, or had lost weight.... But now I'm not!
Like my roommate (Name is Jord for future reference) is talking to a guy, and at lunch today he was like "Why aren't you eating spaghetti??" (I had a salad w/ cheese and some ranch!) And we talked about how I was on a diet, and while it differed little in calories (because my ranch and cheese) it was healthier and I was trying to eat better.
And multiple people have told me already that I'm looking great (I don't believe they can tell with only 7 pounds gone, but whatever!!). And before I would have shrugged it off or been like "*cough* Thanks...." but now I really accept the compliments! I don't fish for compliments, but I take them when someone offers one! Like, I am working hard to lose weight, I deserve the compliment! The shift in perception has made a huge impact!
Jord tells me all the time she's proud of me, and I always reply with "Thanks, I am too!" Why is it bad to recognize I'm doing well? I love all the support I have started to receive! I really believe it's because I'm open (unlike with my previous eating disorder), and I'm doing it right, and they all see that I'm serious.
Buuut that does open up another door. I'm doing super well, and still have preferably 93 more pounds to go (100 total, 1% for each pound isn't that fun?!). However, I am afraid that once I lose the weight I still won't be convinced that's enough. It's a long road, and I won't know til I get there.... But I am really afraid of redeveloping an eating disorder. It's a scary thought.
However, with Jord knowing (and nobody else, including family does!) I really think she can help me. Because in the past she has been super supportive. And whenever I get funny with my eating habits, disappear quickly after food, etc. she is sure to corner me later. It's a good feeling someone won't judge me and will however keep me in line. So I truly believe she'll do whatever it takes to make sure I'm healthy.
And!! Blogging makes me fully aware of my behaviors and patterns, to where other people can see. So I know red flags will appear if I start thinking "ohh I can't blog this" or "people won't get it".
Best of luck to everyone!!