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    KELLYD81   43
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Day 1!

Tuesday, October 09, 2012

So I have hit rock bottom. I thought I hit it a few months ago when my butt got stuck in a lawn chair, but it took something far worse to bring me to this point. Well, it was a combination of things actually. Firstly, I am constantly, I mean constantly out of breath. I thought I was going to have a heart attack when I was doing the laundry the other night. Walking from one room to another has become laborous and I have difficulty sleeping on my side now. Because my stomach is so large just sitting in a chair is becoming painful. My boyfriend, who I know is disgusted with me but very supportive, will no longer sleep beside me at night. Apparently, another side effect of being grossly overweight is snoring. It doesn't matter anyways, I'm so self conscious about my body that I won't let anyone touch me anyhow. I will not hug anyone as I'm embarasssed for them to feel the roll of fat on my back. Being fat is lonely. Despite my size, I have a lot of friends and get invited out quite a bit. I never go. I'm ashamed and embarassed to meet people because of my weight. I'm so fat now that I'm growing out of my size 18 pants. What really has lit a fire under my behind is not recognizing my face in the mirror anymore. They say when you gain weight you gain weight everywhere, even in your nose. My face has taken on that look that is common of the very obese-my eyes look very close together and my once long neck is pretty much invisible thanks to my double chin.
All of this is awful and I need to change. If you've read this far, I can guarantee that this will be my one and only negative post. You see, I'm relieved and so excited that I have decided to change! I know if I honor and treat myself kindly, I will never be fat again. I'm looking forward to this journey and I'm ready to begin.
They say that every journey begins with a single step and I've taken mine. Today, October 8th, 2012 was DAY 1 of my journey! I'm starting off a little slow (I'll get horrible migraines if I don't) but I plan on picking up steam along the way.
Today, I cut down from 6 sodas a day to two...not great but a step in the right direction. I will go down to one soda by the end of the week and hopefully no soda soon after.
I ate pretty healthy today. I still need to work on being healthier but today was a good start. Lots of veggies and lean protien...all the things I know my body needs to be healthy. Besides the soda I had no junk today.
I also worked out for the first time in a really long time. I want to start out by using exercise videos and then move into the gym. I did an oldie but a goodie...Firm Volume #4. I also took my dogs on a 35 minute walk. Much of it was unhill and I was completely out of breath.
So, this concludes day #1. No matter what happens I am not giving up. I have hit rock bottom and there is nowhere to go but DOWN!
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POSEY440 10/9/2012 1:01PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NOTTOOLATEJUDY 10/9/2012 8:44AM

    You seem to have the right mindset, to treat yourself with kindness instead of loathing is a giant step in the right direction. There was a couple of things that I don't agree with in your post however. Number 1... please please please don't give up any hugs. I felt the same way about people 'feeling my fat', but it's so important not to push away from this kind of connection.
Number 2... now that you feel you've hit rock bottom, the only direction is UP... except your weight, that's goin' down.
I'm also adding you as a friend... we CAN do this.
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CARLIASTAR27 10/9/2012 1:06AM

    Congratulations!

I've just 'reset' myself... I let myself get lost. So I decided the one thing I would focus on was my soda intake - and I managed to go without for the last 8 days... so cutting back from 6 to 2 is a really big step in that direction!!

Good on you for doing this for you.... I'm going to finish this comment and add you as a friend - I'll cheer you on emoticon You're going to do great!

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