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How do you make lessons learned stick for life?

Monday, October 08, 2012

It hasn't even been two weeks since I tried to take my own life again. When I made a nearly successful attempt three years ago, I was so grateful to come out of my coma alive that it made this former athiest a true believer in God. I made written pledges to my loved ones that I would never commit such a selfish act again.

So why did I do it? It defies logical explanation. I am incredulous that I allowed myself to reach such an altered mental state that I had no impulse control. I knew from experience that the sleeping aid Ambien resulted in really bad things for me. How is it that I was stupid enough to go back on it, and progress to a double dose that is abusive?

Despite reaffirming my life again, I had to work hard at adjusting my attitude when I woke up this morning. I successfully chose to be happy and appreciate all that I am so fortunate to have...but why do I have to continue to remind myself that life is good? How come I am not just happy by nature?

I just don't understand. How come I have been a yo-yo dieter that tells myself I can never get fat again, only to allow food to rule my life again.

This time MUST be different. Every day for the rest of my God-given life I have got to choose happy, I have got to choose healthy. I have got to choose being the best person I can possibly be. I have to learn new life skills and continually remind myself of those I have already learned. I must accept that sometimes I will fail, but I am not a failure.

I guess successful life skills are like our physical bodies: use them or lose them. I am not going to lose my happiness again...the moment it happens I must remind myself of what I have repeatedly forgotten. LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!


A peaceful spot in Maine.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STONECOT 10/10/2012 4:13AM

    Has your doctor suggested, or are you receiving some sort of councilling, to go deeper and find out why you need tablets too emoticon make you sleep, and why you need to overeat? Perhaps if you could understand these things about yourself you could gradually fix yourself. I am a lifelong insomniac. 3-5 hours maybe. When I was working I got very tired, but sleeping tablets don't make you sleep, they just make you unconscious. I wish I could offer you a better way.

Comment edited on: 10/10/2012 4:14:27 AM

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BERRY4 10/10/2012 1:45AM

    Hey there... Just a few thoughts to add. I find that if I'm looking at myself, I can easily find fault, failure, less than perfection, reasons to be miserable, etc.

I guess, for me, it depends on where I'm looking. -- Am I looking at the Lord Jesus Christ, the author and finisher of my faith? (Hebrews 12:1-2) Am I looking for others to serve and give myself away to? (John 15: 9-17)

When I have been most unhappy, and then taken the time to pray for someone else to love and reach out to, God has answered that prayer. I find affirmation in God's love for me AND I've been used as a resource by God to love others. We have the opportunity to be God's hands and feet in communicating His love to others (if I get my attention off myself).

...as always, disregard whatever doesn't "fit". Don't give up!

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VTRICIA 10/9/2012 7:55PM

    I just take things one day at a time. I can't control what happens in the ever on after. I don't like Ambien either. It makes me sleep for maybe 2 hours, then I wake up agitated.

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AJDOVER1 10/9/2012 7:37PM

    Great question: How do you make lessons learned stick for life? I don't think it's necessarily the lessons that stick, it's the habits we create.

For example, we may learn the lesson that good dental hygene prevents tooth decay, but we must create the habit of brusing our teeth. Now I brush my teeth without giving it a second thought.

Happiness has a lot of different aspects: security, curiosity, joy, comfort, amusement, gratitude, companionship, serenity, hope, etc. It's a great lesson that it's important to be happy, but it's hard work to establish all the habits that will contribute to the aspects of happiness. Fortunately, we don't need to accomplish everything all the time. We do need to make sure the balance leans to the happy end of the scale, though.

I'm not sure if any of this makes sense. I guess I'm just trying to tell you not to pressure yourself to be happy. Just work on healthy habits and things will fall into place.
Hugs, emoticon

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BLUEFAIRYTALE 10/9/2012 7:17PM

  I always wondered that too. Why can't happiness and positive thinking just come naturally? I suppose it's just an ongoing process, and its like that saying "anything that's worth it is worth working for." I believe God is love and can give us the strength to do anything. emoticon

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SLIMLILA 10/9/2012 6:53PM

    Choose happy, you and me both... I won't tell you what I have been eating tonite, I am here alone, while mom is gone to bingo.. gotta get used to all this newness... I should be putting my WATP disk on the computer and start exercising again....it's so easy to fall off....

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-POOKIE- 10/9/2012 10:14AM

    That picture is lovely x

We are ultimately in charge of making ourselves look for the brighter side of things... there must always ALWAYS be something, even tiny, that we can see each day that will make even a small smile blossom.

We just have to look hard sometimes.

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MSLZZY 10/9/2012 7:58AM

    Start fresh each day and remind yourself of the joy
and wonder around you. Progress, not perfection!
You may not be happy all the time but focus on
doing the best you can to enjoy your world. HUGS!

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_LINDA 10/9/2012 1:59AM

    It is impossible to be happy all the time. The best you can do is look at the bright side of things that happen in your day and focus on them. Enjoy the fun things and feed off their energy. Seek out and find fun things to do. I am keeping all limbs crossed you will get this volunteer postion. I think it would be wonderful for you. Doing something new outside of your usual is always good for putting the Spark back into your life.
Keep fighting -you are special and you deserve to live. Never give up and never give in and please, please stay away from that drug -it is obviously a danger to you. Surely there are alternatives or perhaps more natural means to help you sleep..
emoticon

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JANTWO 10/9/2012 12:31AM

    You be happy!!!! I don't know how it comes naturally either, but we serve an awesome God and He is in control. emoticon

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