Monday, October 08, 2012
My feed lied to everyone today because I was stunned last week. When I went to the doctor last week, the visit included the obligatory step-on-the-scale. I emptied my pockets - keys, cellphone, pedometer, coins...But I was fully clothed, including shoes. The number was higher than my last weigh-in from a visit to the ER earlier this year. I was so stunned that I logged in the fully-clothed number, forgetting about the shoes and layers of cloth...
The next morning I weighed in at home sans shoes and layers and it was almost 3 pounds less. That was the same day I received the news that, for the very first time in my life, my LDL was higher than the normal and acceptable range. I read up on it and decided to cut way back on animal protein, cheese (I love cheese), increase my fiber even more than I have normally and really, really watch my salt. I weighed in yesterday morning (to get back on my usual schedule) and found that I had lost 1.3!
Surprisingly, I have not been as hungry as I thought I would be. I attribute that to the fact that I joined the Overeaters Anonymous team here. I am still thinking about what it means to be "abstinent", which is very early in this journey of FINALLY dealing with my emotions around food, so it is not as if I have "arrived" or had some kind of epiphany, but awareness obviously accounts for something!
I brought my beans and brown rice dish for lunch (it has other ingredients, too), but a friend invited me out for Japanese food with an attorney who is soon leaving for much greener pastures. I told her I'd go if I could use a fork. She laughed. She grew up in Japan, so chopsticks are easy for her. The attorney kept pushing to find out why I don't use chopsticks and I became tongue-tied. I did not want to say that it's because I have so little dexterity and no practice and that, if I used them today, I'd end up wearing more food than consuming it. Just writing this brings up visions of my painful childhood! Bleh!
Anyway, we all had lunch specials which all included miso soup and a large scoop of white rice. My special also had a rather nice salad and six tiny California rolls. I guzzled the water, drank the barely-flavored tea and ate only part of the miso soup and rice. I was not at all sure about the sodium content of the soup and I did not need that much rice since the rolls are rice+avocado+tuna. They were fantastic! I had forgotten how great they are! I did not know dessert was included: a microscopic scoop of ice cream. They had green tea and I had mango.
When I got back to the computer, I logged in my food and was relieved to see that I had not stubbed my nutritional toes! Speaking of which, stubbing toes that is, that is where my "wanna get away" moment came. As we were leaving the restaurant, walking on the sidewalk with my two coworkers ahead of me, I did not see the incline and did not feel it until I made a multi-point landing. Both knees, both elbows, both hands and most knuckles. Yes, I left some DNA on the sidewalk, but am mostly ok. I did not know until I fell that there were people behind us. The lady kept asking if I were ok, which would have been nice, but she does not know me. When I fall, I want to be invisible! I do not want attention, I do not want help, I do not want to be noticed! She asked several times and I finally was able to answer and say that I was ok. Yes, it was nice to ask, but there were two people wth me and they were helping me.
What happens when I gain or lose weight is that my center of gravity shifts - I notice this about every 5 pounds, but I forget about it.
I am ok other than some miniscule scrapes and some stiffness. I have been walking a little bit to make sure my knees don't lock up, but I was not able to do my full 30 minutes at a time this afternoon.
Shortly, I will go to the taping for the local Toastmaster broadcast. I don't feel like being on TV, but I made a promise. This puts me a tad out of my comfort zone. It is my 3rd time doing the show, but this time, I didn't want to but chose not to say no. The dialog in my head was not healthy: I have put on weight, I have adult acne, I need a haircut, my clothes don't look great on me...But I am over looking that and focusing on what I can contribute to the community. I will deliver an evaluation of a speech. Other Toastmasters will see the broadcast and, I hope, be inspired and encouraged to stretch their self-imposed boundaries. (My boss was impressed when I told him I was doing this tonight!)
Now, off to eat some low fat yogurt to try to get enough calcium in for the day...
And, yes, _Linda, I wear and use my pedometer all day every day, but I lack the balance to walk on grass or other surfaces like that...(yet).