Monday, October 08, 2012
I remember saying to my best friend once that I had never done drugs or excessive alcohol or had any of the unhealthy habits that a lot of people we knew had. But Lord, put a cupcake in front of me, and you will see the addict in me emerge.
For a month now, with only a few minor slip ups, I've eaten well and exercised more (although, I still need more discipline in that area). Most days, I don't even think about junk food, because it doesn't even sound appealing in the way that it once did. But the junk food demon struck on Saturday in a way that I didn't expect.
It started out as a normal Saturday, I had planned to eat as I have been, and was even going to make a lowfat cheesecake that evening. I had planned a visit to my sister's house so that the kids could all play at some point during the day, but she called and asked if I just wanted to make it a dinner visit, we'd just have pizza. Fine, I calculated 2 slices of pizza into my tracker, I used supreme pizza from pizza hut or something like that because I figured that would give me a little lee-way on the calorie count, and would be a maximum amount. My sister told me also that she had decided to celebrate our nephew's birthday that evening, and I offered to bring a cake. She said he wanted a cookie cake. No problem, I can make that cheap and easily. I went to Publix and bought some pre-made cookie dough and icing.
I came home, ate some pizza my husband had made us for lunch, and set about making the cookie cake. The cookie dough was sitting on the counter and suddenly, I thought that I sure would like to eat that cookie dough. I decided one little block of cookie dough wouldn't hurt, so I ate one. No big deal, right? Not so much. I ate so much cookie dough. I licked it off my fingers. I licked the bowl. I started eating the icing, too, on some of the cookies that I had made from the leftover batter. I would say that I completely lost control, but that's not what I did, I could have stopped, but I didn't want to. I don't even like cookies that much, I can take them or leave them. After my big cookie binge, I immediately took to spark people forums for "cheat" days and binge eating, looking desperately for some justification or someone to say that it wouldn't hurt you to have a cheat day once in a while. Of course, the concensus on the subject went both ways. I had heard, at some point, that an occasional binge would help your weight loss efforts because it gave your metabolism a shock, but I couldn't find any definitive answers about that either.
The binge didn't end there, either. I did only have one piece of pizza, but it was on top of 3 or 4 bread sticks and yet ANOTHER cookie covered in icing. When I got home, I ate 2 fun size butterfingers and later that night ate a serving of the chicken spaghetti I'd made earlier in the week. I figured I'd gone over my calorie budget by about 1200 calories or more. It was an absolute disaster.
The binge itself isn't what had me worried, it was the fact that the binge was triggered by something that I didn't even consider to be one of my favorite foods. I really tried not to beat myself up over it, but I felt terrible. But I knew that although I couldn't change what I had done, the important thing was to pick up the next day and move forward, not get caught in a weekend-long binge marathon. And although I wish I hadn't gone crazy with the cookies, I am proud to say that on Sunday I went back to eating right and had no desire to continue binging.
One of my biggest concerns over the binge was that it would show in my weight, and it did, but not as bad as I thought it would. I actually only went back up by about 1/2 a pound, which, truthfully, may be a water weight gain due to all the sugar I ate. Also, a few days before that day, I had been a little low on my calories, so it probably didn't hurt me that much overall, in terms of my weekly average. If I stick to healthy eating and exercise a bit more this week, I can get that off in a couple of days and keep moving forward.
No one ever said this was going to be easy. Most days it is, but it has its ups and downs, and there are occasional setbacks. I backslid a little this weekend, but hopefully I can learn from it and I'm not going to give up as a result!! Upward and onward, no looking back!