Monday, October 08, 2012
I was doing the happy dance yesterday -- not only did I re-lose the 2.5 lbs from before, but another 2.5 lbs was gone, too! Five lbs and a total of 35 lbs down :) While I was more focused on my goals during the week, part of this loss was due to water weight. Female hormonal fluctuations really wreak havoc on the scale...
I find myself wondering when other people are going to start to notice. My husband has been able to see and appreciate the differences for a few weeks now, but I have not had anyone outside of my immediate family ask me, "Have you lost weight?"
Part of me is relieved about it because I am not sure that I want people commenting about it. It does embarrass me to think that I am being scrutinized, plus it adds a layer of pressure. The negative tapes whisper, "If they notice and then you fail, how can you face them?" Ugh, I hate those negative tapes. Why does something positive like external recognition have to feel like a negative?
But it's going to happen sooner or later. My mom is coming in a couple days to watch the kids while I am at my conference, and the last time she saw me was over the 4th of July (just before I started on SP). She also knows that I have been walking when I am on my marathon phone calls with her. I haven't mentioned weight loss specifically to her, but I know she will see it. Whether or not she comments will be another thing. She loves and supports me no matter what, but I don't know if I want her to say anything.
And then there is my husband's family, who I haven't seen since Memorial Day. By the time Thanksgiving and Christmas roll around, I will have lost more weight, and they are sure to notice because they pay attention to that sort of thing. I really don't want them to -- not only will they analyze everything that I choose to eat, but they may say something to my husband and ask him when he is going to lose weight, too. Yes, he would benefit from losing, but I recognize that it has to be his choice, and I will wait patiently for him while continuing to be a mostly good example. He doesn't need the added stress from them.
With all the positives that this journey has brought me thus far, negatives like this keep cropping up in my mind. I am certain these are part of the reasons why I have not been successful in the past. I just wish I would get to a point where all aspects of it feel great! Or is there always a "dark side?"