Monday, October 08, 2012
I have to be honest with myself...the past few weeks have been horrible (as far as my healthy lifestyle is concerned). I have gone back to old habits...eating massive amounts of sugar, eating fast food, not keeping up with my food journal, not exercising like I should, and making SO many excuses for myself. I'm too afraid to even step on a scale at this point. I'm not going to lie, at this point, I'm feeling pretty crappy about myself and my behavior related to my health issues lately.
Honestly, I'm starting to get to a point where I just don't care anymore, which scares me. For the past 4 years of my life, my health has been my main focus, and I've had SO many ups and downs. It's absolutely exhausting to have to think about every morsel of food that goes into your mouth, which is what I feel like I have to do to be successful.
However, all of that being said, I know that I HAVE to do this. I refuse to go back to being the "fat" girl who relies on food for comfort and happiness. I found myself actually saying out loud last week that I think I was happier when I was at my heaviest, because I didn't have to worry so much about all of this. But I know that's not true. I was MISERABLE then, and I do not want to go back to that. I'm not going to lie though, I'm not feeling very motivated, but I know what I need to do...I'm hoping that the motivation will return soon so I can get back on track!