Monday, October 08, 2012
I fall pretty clearly into the perfectionist type in almost all areas of my life -- Straight-A student, known for my dedication and diligence around the office, reliable and punctual. If I'm doing anything for someone else, you'd better believe it will be held to the highest of standards. Which is great, in a way. Only, I can't seem to extend these standards to the things I want for myself. I struggle with this in a lot of areas of my life, but the one that seems to come up most regularly (not to mention, the one that is most outwardly visible) is weight-loss. I often wonder how someone so productive, driven, diligent and hard-working can be so lazy and unmotivated about something they've wanted/needed for so long. How can I accept failure, missed deadlines, continued slip-ups and a general lack of effort for something I want so badly? Is it really just because I'm the only one with any stake in this? And, if so, isn't that kinda sad? I'm realizing more and more as I grow up that I need to do things for myself. I'm starting to learn to say 'no'. I'm starting to learn to manage my time and set aside some just for me. I'm starting to get better. But I'm still met with this attitude, this idea that mediocre is good enough (for me). I would never slack like this if I was reporting to someone else, if the end result affected anyone other than myself. It's entirely backwards to what should be the case. Of all people, I should be doing my best for me. And before I go feeling guilty and selfish, I need to remind myself that I can only be my best for others when I've first accomplished this for myself. So here's to my best -- for ME.