So first I gotta address the hypocrite status, because I'm fully aware that a little over a week ago I said I was stepping back from the blogs. So anyone that wants to throw rotten tomatoes, the floor is yours.
This is just for my select handful of Spark Friends that have asked how I was doing and stuff... and it makes me warm and fuzzy that you guys care about how I am doing.
So yesterday was just a terrible terrible day. I know the point of this blog was to share things with my Spark buddies, but to be honest there are some things I just have no desire to discuss. So let's just say it was a rough day, and I was at work. I am also on my TOM and the cramps are horrible. I am now starting birth control in hopes that it is going to help my cramps and all things associated with that girlie time. So fingers crossed for that one.
I had the HUGEST frozen yogurt from Yogurtland yesterday that was essentially my dinner. Bad, bad Stephanie. The worst part was, I didn't even care! Nope. Not one bit. I had oreos, reese's, cheesecake bites on top of it. I didn't track it and I didn't care. It scared me a little but I couldn't be bothered.
I am having some issues with the boy, they are not huge issues and we actually were just texting and things seem to be okay, but let's just say I am definitely going to walk around with my heart a lot more guarded in terms of this boy. I still can not 100% say what his intentions and stuff are, so that is a process. So that was bothering me in addition to the super personal stuff that I am not comfortable sharing. I'm not trying to be a tease by mentioning that again, I just want people to know that it's not like one tiny problem I'm blowing out of proportion. I've got some crap going on for sure LOL.
So I fully intended to stay in my pj's all day today, which NSV time. I found a fuzzy pair of jammie pants that I couldn't wear for a whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiile, they are just an extra large. Of course they stretch like crazy, but THEY FIT. With my "bottom stomach" and "butt" being the largest part around, I can very easily need 1x or 2x stretchy things to get them to fit. So I am happy about that, they are so comfy!
I am going to watch some movies and I'm not going to lie, I'm going to have a good cry. I cried myself to sleep this morning (don't be alarmed) and it helped, so if I have to let any more out I will.
But here's the bad part. I fully woke up today thinking I was going to binge. In fact, I was going to binge and I didn't care about it. I wanted to drive to the one place, get a grilled cheese, patty melt, and chili cheese fries. I was going to eat the grilled cheese and half the fries for lunch and the rest for dinner.
I would love to sit here and tell you all that I woke up this morning and said to myself, "Stephanie, you are better than that! You are not going to harm your body, you are going to do what's right and you are going to fight for this weight loss you want so badly!" That did not happen. I was already thinking about what my order would be, but then I decided to peek ever so slightly at the scale. I saw....
218.6!!! I was 220.2 just last Wednesday. Could it be a fluctuation? Probably. Could that mean by this weigh in Wednesday that I'm back to 220.2, it could happen. But that made me not want to binge. Any port in a storm as my Gammie always says. So instead I am going to make a patty melt at home, and track all my calories.
I have an exercise streak with my girl Susan... 30 minutes of exercise a day and I think today will be day 16. I don't know if I can do it. I really don't, I am really struggling today, but we will see what happens.
So that is what is going on with me... I know that doesn't go into the juicy tidbits, but I just can't do it right now, but I heart everyone who has reached out to me and checked on me and you all keep me going even when I don't really want to.