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Saturday, October 06, 2012

I have fibromyalgia. I try to stay positive, at least in my blogging. It has been really hard for the last two days. On Thursday I was angry and irritated with my husband. I wrote my blog about play that day as a mental break from my mood. Today I feel bad, both physically and emotionally. It is cloudy and windy outside with breaks of sun, an interesting mix, but that doesn't seem to be changing my mood.

I feel like whining today. I hurt in spite of my medication and my motivation is nearly zero. I know I should walk and I should do homework, but I just can't seem to move. Just do it! Yeah, okay. Not happening. Okay, just do it! Around and around the litany goes in my head. Do it, you'll feel better. Do it, you'll feel less pressure. Just do it. Okay. I'm still sitting here. One arm is aching and my hand is starting to go numb, some of my fibromyalgia symptoms.
I'm amazed I'm writing this blog with my low energy and high pain levels. I think I'll change the subject.

In the last day I've been adding things to my bucket list like visiting Winchester Mystery House, the mansion built by the crazy lady. She thought she could avoid death spirits by continuously building her house, and by her death she had built hundreds of rooms. Money was no object and the furnishings are amazing in the photos I looked at. It is in San Jose, next to San Francisco.

I also want to visit Carlsbad Caverns, skydive, bungee jump in New Zealand, visit Yellowstone, and Rotorua. Yellowstone and Rotorua and both geothermal areas and that fascinates me. I think that just writing down what you'd like to do brings you one step closer to doing it.

My sister is washing our dogs today. My husband is taking a nap. Sherry is at her mother's house pressing apples into cider. You get one guess as to who is having the most fun. That's right, my sister. She is taking care of the dogs she loves, cooing at them, brushing them, and making them beautiful. When they are finished all of them feel better. I can hear them. There is the sound of splashing, then "You're doing a really good job of getting ME wet!" More splashing and cooing. Notice I said my sister was having the most fun. The dog looks miserable. The water is nice and warm, she feels good after, so why doesn't she like her bath?

Maybe the difference between a pet and an owner is that the owner has no one to subject them to things such as baths, walks, and other things that are good for her. The owner has the freedom to choose. That is why we talk about motivation - because that is a positive choice. No one says "I am motivated to sit in front of my computer and play Farmville until my eyes see double," or "I am motivated to eat too many cookies and candies."

Motivation is a positive choice that is very difficult to make when your mood is depressed, sad, or angry, or when you are tired or in pain. I think the best action when you are moody is to forgive yourself for not being motivated and then get someone to kick your butt.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Forgive yourself and make it happen moment by moment.

    1990 days ago
    The first part of your solution: forgiveness is good.
    The second is not: You would be wiser to find some
    one to give you a hug or better still give yourself
    one emoticon

    We hurt because we are missing love in our lives.
    Mostly, we are missing what we deserved most,
    to be loved by ourselves. For some reason,
    I have not entirely figured out why, for many
    of us that is one of the hardest things to do.

    1992 days ago
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