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    LILAC_LANE   17,442
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I Get By With a Little Help From My friends :)


Saturday, October 06, 2012

Really it's more than "a little help."
The support I have received from my SP friends
and team-mates has been nothing short of incredible.

I joined SP back in July looking for another "diet" to
solve my "weight problem." What I found was a place
to get support in my FINAL attempt to end a 30 year problem
with bingeing and at times purging (diuretics, laxatives, fasting,
and over-exercising)

Yesterday I succeeded in staying binge free for 90 days.
It's the longest I have gone without bingeing in over 4 years.
A SP friend suggested I blog about how I've done this and how I feel.

Well, here it goes. I quit dieting for good. I don't count calories,
I don't even track my food any more. I eat when I'm hungry.
I eat a little bit of something sweet everyday so I don't feel deprived.
I don't eat when I'm upset. That really is my only restriction.
There are no "Good foods" or "Bad foods" though I
will admit that I need to start working on eating healthier.
I told my husband and my oldest daughter about my problem.
I also told them I need accountability, but I don't need
the "food police." :)

I joined the 21 day streak on my Living Binge Free team.
I get a tremendous amount of support there. I also get a LOT of support
from The Peppy Party. They cheer me on and are always there for me.
My SP friends and team members have been totally awesome!
I also started counseling this week. Eating disorders are complicated
and I realized that if I didn't want to have to start from square 1 again,
then maybe I should see someone before I "Fall off the wagon,"
instead of waiting until the damage is done. I've been thinking about
bingeing a lot more lately. I took that as my red flag to step
it up a little...Call in the big guns. :)

How do I feel? I feel incredible and very powerful. For the first
time in my life I feel like I have control over my emotions and
how I deal with them without misusing food. I also feel scared.
The holidays are coming, and there is a lot of stress from extended family.
In the past I would use it as an excuse to binge.
That was a big motivator for starting counseling.

I feel a lot of regret for all the years I wasted bingeing myself into
food comas. But I also know that I had to hit rock bottom before I
could finally find my way out. The biggest thing is I don't feel ashamed anymore.
I don't hate myself anymore. Shame and self-hatred were the 2 worse things
about bingeing. I'm happy to be free of those feelings. I'm not "cured."
I still have a lot of work ahead of me, but for the first time EVER in my life
I have the desire and the belief in myself that I WILL SUCCEED.
Every day I get one step closer to the person I have
dreamed of being. I want to be a person who gets upset but doesn't have
to "talk themselves down" from the thought of bingeing.
I want to be a person who looks at food as a source of fuel and not as
their source of comfort. I REALLY want to be a person who can look
in the mirror and not obsess about their flaws. It's not going to happen
over night, but it's happening. I am a work in progress, and I will keep
working to be the best I can be.

And I need to work on being a better speller, because I just had to correct
26 mistakes before I posted this blog, LOL

Have a great weekend!
~Lilac~


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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
MSMOSTIMPROVED 10/10/2012 5:44PM

    I am sooo late to the party but, honey I am here!!!! Woooo Hoooo hooooo!!! You are an amazing woman balancing so many competing interest and still finding time to squeeze in some self improvement while spearheading the Peppy Party!!! My husband once told me that he wished I could see what he sees when he looks at me. Now I really get it. You are a beautiful woman of faith with a spirit of caring and giving to others. I am sincerely applauding your efforts-- and throwing in a Peppy Cheer for good measure.

Best wishes tomorrow.
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LITTLEBO 10/10/2012 6:26AM

    (Don't ya just love spell check!!!!) HUGS! HUGS! HUGS! Congrats on the 90 days!!! Spark On!!!!

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ASANA26 10/9/2012 11:09AM

    Thank you for sharing this post ! You described true feelings that I know we can all relate to. You have come such a long way ! The steps that you have taken are not easy, but what a payoff when it means you feel in control and good about yourself. Well Done !! emoticon emoticon

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IYA_EKUNDAYO 10/8/2012 11:01PM

    Congratulations!
I loved this blog.
You are so strong and
I am so proud to know you.
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SERENEMOM71 10/8/2012 5:55PM

  What a wonderful accomplishment! Be so very proud of yourself! Recognizing that we need help, getting that help, sharing our problem with trusted loved ones,and 90 days of abstinence is incredible! Keep up the good work. The old slogans of "one day @ a time!" and "Don't worry about tomorrow!" are really good ones to say and remember. I know you can do this! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon And remember that every day , although it might be the 91 day or 151th day, is always emoticon because every day is a new day to work your "program" whatever that may be. I do not have your particular issue, but I have issues of my own and have been there!

Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing - even if it isn't so positive. Good and tough days are all part of life!

By the way, I simply love lilacs - they remind me of my grandmother who "mothered" me as a child and grew them in her home. I have one right by my front door. Love your wallpaper.

Comment edited on: 10/8/2012 5:58:03 PM

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CHANGINGSAM 10/8/2012 11:18AM

    Keep it up! Proud of you for recognizing the signs and getting help too. emoticon

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DEBBY4576 10/7/2012 7:27PM

    I read the whole blog thinking how marvelous you are doing. I was thrilled when I read about you taking the step of telling you DH and oldest girl. BIG step.
When I got to this that you said, . I want to be a person who gets upset but doesn't have to "talk themselves down" from the thought of bingeing. I realized how like being an alcholic it is. I will always be an alcoholic, they say, but I want to tell you that you WILL reach the day you no longer have to think about your illness. It's been 14 years for me, and I have to count back to see how long it's been. It's about feeling good about you for the first time. Hiding the illness, that was the worst part for me. Then the quilt. You go sweetheart, you go. If it weren't for God, we never would make it.

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RISINGBLUESTAR 10/7/2012 10:07AM

    Congratulations! You have worked and continue to work so hard at improving your health. You have so much to be proud of. I am glad you found SP and sought help to conquer your struggles. You are very deserving of being the person you have dreamed of! Keep striving to reach your goals! :)

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_LINDA 10/7/2012 1:44AM

    Very, very well done!! This is an amazing accomplishment!! Be proud, be VERY proud!! Its nice to know one can conquer the emotional eating demon and keep it in its cage. Good on you for recognizing danger signs and not being too proud to call in help! You for sure have what it takes to remain binge free!
You rock star you!!
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1EMMA2011 10/7/2012 12:53AM

    What an amazing blog post... Congratulations! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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REFFIE1 10/7/2012 12:24AM

    Congratulations Lilac! You deserve to stay binge free and I am sure you will do it holidays or no holidays. Good for you for getting counselling. They might come up with strategies for those times of pressure during the holidays.

Just take it a day at a time and don't project into the future ie. get worried about future events like Christmas that are not here yet.You are a great leader and now, you are leading all those who suffer from bingeing by your example. You are giving hope to others which is such a great gift. emoticon

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A-NEW-TARA 10/7/2012 12:22AM

    Congratulations! 90 days is amazing and you are doing all the right things to keep that streak going. You can do this and you WILL do it. You are an inspiration for all of us who struggle with these issues, thank you for sharing your journey with us.
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SERENEART 10/6/2012 11:22PM

    Congratulations!!!!!! Way to go! 90 days is so awesome. Thanks for sharing your progress. What an accomplishment.

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CHANGING4ME49 10/6/2012 6:46PM

    This is such a wonderful blog. It really hit home for me. I am so glad you shared it. Super proud of what you have done so far and looking forward to seeing what you continue to do. You are definitely on the right track. emoticon emoticon my friend! emoticon

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CINDYAST 10/6/2012 6:29PM

    90 days! YES!!!!!!! That's beyond awesome! I can relate to so much of what you wrote in your blog, I'm not even going to try, I'll just sum it up by saying "I am SO proud of you!"
Blessings!

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QUIETRIOT1 10/6/2012 4:57PM

    AT LEAST YOU CORRECTED THEM. I MISS MOST OF MINE. I THINK 90 DAYS BINGE FREE IS WONDERFUL. YOU SHOULD BE SO PROUD OF YOURSELF! I DON'T THINK THAT PEOPLE REALIZE THIS IS NO DIFFERENT THAN BEING AN ALCOHOLIC OR A DRUGGIE OR A GAMBLER. IN FACT, IT IS HARDER BECAUSE YOU CAN'T EVER, TOTALLY ABSTAIN FROM FOOD. CONGRATULATIONS.
ANN

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MARY1313 10/6/2012 3:39PM

    Lilac, this is the most positive blog! I'm so glad you recognize that help is in order before the holidays. It took me a long time to figure out that I needed some help dealing with issues before I could work on the root problems. that signals strength, not weakness!! You ROCK!!!!

I'm keeping you on my prayer list!

Mary

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ANGRITTER 10/6/2012 3:33PM

    Congratulations! 90 days!! I am not even hitting 1 day yet, but the emotional hits just keep on coming!

I could be binge-free if I moved to some underdeveloped nation and there was no access to ice cream or chocolate. This is probably the only way I will be able to not eat it, I think. But after reading this, I know that it's something I SHOULD be able to do. So I going to follow in your footsteps and start counting... TODAY.

I am committed to not eating any ice cream tonight (240-360 calories a bowl!), and will only eat ONE Skinny Cow Heavenly Peanut Butter Crisp tonight. The rest of the food will be fruit and veggies and yogurt.

As I have written it, so it will be. (Let's see where I am the same time tomorrow!)

And thank you for the inspiration! Very encouraging blog moment happening right here, right now!

Hugs,
Angela

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IGOSSELS 10/6/2012 2:45PM

    So proud of you. You really are an inspiration. Here's to the next 90 days.
It feels good to be able to control what we can and to feel again.
Thanks for blogging about your experience.

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CHICA125KML 10/6/2012 2:39PM

    emoticon emoticon

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CANDOSUE52 10/6/2012 2:06PM

   
Love this, thank you! You have come a loooooong way, baby!! emoticon

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CHRISTINASP 10/6/2012 1:28PM

    I love love love this blog post! 'Voted' for it, I hope many others will read it and be inspired by it.
You're an inspiration. It's very motivating to read about your thoughts and how you did this. I commend you for starting with the counselor; I hope you and he/she will have a real 'click'!
Thank you for sharing!

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CAMAEL100 10/6/2012 1:24PM

    Wow!! That is a powerful story! Don't feel bad about the past, we can't control it, and as I read somewhere, it is not a good place to live!!

You are in a good place now and this is fantastic. But you are not so arrogant as to think this is it. You are aware that you still need help and support and you are getting it.

I am on day 6 and hope one day soon to be able to blog about day 90!

And don't worry about spelling - there are spell checkers everywhere checking up on us!!

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FRACKTHATNOISE 10/6/2012 1:09PM

    There is no way I can be nearly proud enough of you.

Congratulations! Really, you've taken so many steps toward your goal and that is incredible.

Thank you for being such an inspiring, motivational SparkFriend! I'm so glad to be able to cheer you on as you reach for everything you deserve!

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TURTLESLOW14 10/6/2012 12:26PM

    Lilac, I am so proud of you! I haven't had the problem of binging but I know its a bad problem for someone to overcome, like depression and anxiety, counselling or therapy are our "big guns" to turn to. Together we are taking out our big guns and I am happy to be on this journey with you!

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