Saturday, October 06, 2012
I haven't updated in a long, I know :(
But I haven't done much in the last weeks except suffer and cry. The worst times of my year are right now.
So on my last blog I told you guys about my mouth surgery that went well and everything was fine. That was the day after. Two days after, so Friday, I felt awful all day. I was in pain, medication didn't seem to be working, I could barely eat anything and I kept crying. I never left my apartment, not even to take a walk, and I was mean to my boyfriend for no reason. Then Saturday it got a little better, but I still did nothing with my weekend because I was in too much pain to train. Gym was out of the question. And with my swollen face I barely dared going outside to see people. I felt fat and ugly.
Monday I started getting a weird taste in my mouth, like something really disgusting, but when I drank water it'd go away. I decided to go jogging in the evening even though I was still sore - but it was the best I ever was since the surgery so whatever! I jogged almost 4 kms and had to stop because I had a really bad cramp and was out of breathe (did I mention I also had a cold on top of that?). The pain wasn't too bad when running, but when I stopped, it became unbearable. Jogging was a mistake because the blood pumping to my face was trying to kill me. I paid for my mistake the rest of the evening.
I took the afternoon off the day after because I was way too sore, and the disgusting taste was constantly there, no matter what I drank or ate. I thought the surgery area was infected on the left side, because the taste came from there, it was more swollen than the right side and it didn't look good in the mirror. I went to the university clinic where I had my surgery but there's nobody on Tuesdays, so I had to take yet another apointment the day after. I'm so tired of losing so much money because I'm outta job and don't have any sick days left...
I went back the next day and they placed something in the hole that tasted like clove. Concentrated it's an awful taste but it's way better than the taste I had before... it wasn't infected but I had an alveolitis. I then had to go back to an hospital Friday morning at 10 to get it removed.
So my face and mouth got better and better and Friday morning I was confident it was my last time taking care of all this mess.
I went to the hospital for my 10 o'clock apointment and was told to wait until they'd call me. I waited ONE HOUR AND A HALF. What the?! Why do you take an apointment at 10 if you can't pass me at 10? After 80 minutes I asked the nurse and she said with a very condescending tone "well lady we're passing every clinic case before you so you need to wait." THEN WHY DO YOU TAKE AN APOINTMENT. DAMN.
After a lot of crying and panic and cringing I finally passed. It took TWO MINUTES to rinse my mouth and remove the thingy. 90 minutes of waiting for 2 minutes of dentistry.
But the best part yet is this: coming back to my car, I had a parking ticket waiting for me, because I parked in a 60 minutes place, naively thinking I'd be in and out quickly. 44 bucks out of my pockets, plus all the money I've lost from not working: one day and a half last week, one afternoon + one morning + 2 hours this week. My pay's gonna be ridiculous.
Yesterday night my mouth started hurting but I didn't touch anything, I just rinsed a lot with salted water. And guess what? This morning it's SWOLLEN AGAIN! It got WORSE ONCE AGAIN! I don't know what to do. I'm so tired of all this bullshiz, all the incompetence of the health care system, all the time I'm losing on this.
This week I only went to the gym once (Thursday morning) and to zumba Wednesday night. I jogged Monday, and that's it. Today I'll try to go to the gym but since it's swollen and painful I might not do a lot. This whole surgery feels like the worst thing that's ever happened to me. I feel depressed. And I can't do anything but wait until it gets better. But the part that frustrates me the very most is how far back I am on my training because of all this. I WANT to go to the gym, I want to jog, I want to move. But I'm in so much pain whenever I do that I can't last more than 5 minutes. Even if I try to go slowly. Even strenght training is hard because it makes my heart pump a little and then my mouth hurts. I feel like crying at the top of my lungs and throwing myself off a cliff.