Friday, October 05, 2012
I don't know what is happening to my body. It seems a lot more intense than my normal flares. All I know is that my arms and legs and feet hurt so badly that if I could get it, morphine sounds good about now. It is excruciating to walk. I have been bad like this twice in the last 20 years. Both times I gave in to the pain and ended up being a semi-invalid for awhile. Doctors never found a solution besides the catch all "fibro" tag. I refuse to become a semi-invalid again. The pain and struggle to come out of it and to regain muscle and bone strength is too high a price for me to pay. So I am forcing myself to walk and maintain my normal duties. The toll of the pain and the amount of concentration I have to maintain to be "normal" means that I'm talking and walking very slowly.
Part of being "normal" has meant forcing myself to still go to Zumba. I love Zumba but the pain - oh my. Only the fact that my face is always red and wet with sweat had hidden the fact that I've been crying my way through Zumba the last couple of times. Today is even worse. I just can't do it. So I'm changing my plans. I'm going to try out my doctor's suggestion - alternating 10 min. in the cold pool with 10 min. in the hot tub - then repeat.
I am going to a new doctor - pain specialist/inflammation specialist on Wed. At this point I am going in a bit jaded and skeptical that anyone can help me. I know I should be more upbeat but . . .