Here I sit. I am hurting a bit with knee pain. Knee pain isn't new to me. I hurt myself in a car accident when I was 18, that quite honestly, I can say I was lucky to live through. I was thrown out of a car going 85mph. Statistically, they say that roll over accidents kill people who don't have their seatbelts on because the car rolls on top of them. I was lucky. No, I didn't have my seat belt on (hey, I was 18 and INVINCIBLE... remember those days?) but I came out and followed the car. I was thrown across the highway and blew out my knee and had road rash up and down my legs. Lucky in many regards -- number one, I wasn't killed, number two it wasn't my face. I spent about three and a half hours in the emergency room getting lectured by just about anyone who came in about wearing my seat belt and being told I would eventually get arthritis in my knee.
I think I am beginning to deal with that now. Funny thing is that, it isn't the knee that I injured, but rather my other knee. My other knee has taken the brunt of overcompensation over the years and my right knee actually feels rather strong.
We've taken a very cold blast over the last few days going from high 70's to low 20's. Enter achy and stiff knee. It sucks because I have had to put Turbo Fire on the back shelf. As much as I want to throw it on and turbo myself into oblivion, I know I just can't.
Enter the BIG MOMENT in my journey.
Listening to my body and what it is telling me has become a very big thing for me. I have come from a point to where I would, quite honestly, tell it to shut up because I AM IN CHARGE. Not necessarily a good thing. There is a big difference between pushing through an uncomfortable time during a workout (oh, I am tired and I want to quit) and pushing through an injury that really wants to shut the body down. I've done both. Yes, I am (((once again))) referring to my shoulder injury.
It was such a pivotal point for me in my journey. It was a moment in time that I made a very conscious decision. When I felt my shoulder go mid push up, I should have stopped. I had a voice telling me to JUST STOP! but being so good at silencing that voice my other one got louder and kept screaming KEEP GOING!!! Because of that moment, that very decision, I spent months working on that shoulder to get it back to working order. I babied it, whined, cried, pissed as to why I couldn't keep doing things. Naming my workouts. Push ups became very painful. Everything became very painful. Lifting my coffee pot to pour coffee, lifting my little boy. All every day things that I used to take for granted, became very noticable. I silenced what my body was trying to tell me and pushed on. Months and months of massage therapy (I am NOT talking foo-foo massages either -- I am talking excruciating and painful massages that rendered me exhausted for the rest of the day), supplements and of course, I couldn't do the workouts I wanted to do.
Stupid, stupid, stupid!!! All for what? To finish my workout? I became so obsessed with working out and looking back on it in hindsight, I think it is something that kind of defined who I was/am. I won't go so far to say that I am not still slightly obsessed with my workouts, because that would be a flat out lie. I am just better at balancing.
Live and learn. Listening to my body has been one of the biggest lessons I have learned throughout the last few years. It is hard sometimes, that sneaky voice sometimes gets louder and wants to silence the inner voice, but I am working and striving daily to make my inner voice the louder of the two.
Yeah, I am quite proud of myself.
::pats self on back::
I have come far in my journey. I learn more about myself each and every day. My knee hurts, it is stiff, it is achy. It sucks. But instead of pushing it, I am listening to that voice that tells me to be kind to my body. What would happen if I decided to push it for just one more workout? It could render me completely injured and out of commission. Not at all where I want to be.
So what do I do? Give up? Throw in the towel and say, to hell with it....
Nope. Yoga, yoga and more yoga this week. I have enjoyed doing yoga and taking the pressure off of my joints, non impact workouts that are still working my body. I invested in a foam roller and I have been working to relax the muscles in my legs to hopefully release some of the tension in my legs that only will contribute to the uncomfortable stiffness. Rest. Hot baths (okay, no one really has to twist my arm on this one), frozen peas, Zyflammend for the inflammation, Natural Calm at night to help my body relax so I can sleep well. Focusing on eating well and keeping my ratios in line.
It feels good to listen to my body.
It isn't easy when I am a driven person who wants results and will work to achieve them. I could beat myself up, get angry about it, but we all know what road that leads to....
I can feel good about what my body CAN do today, right this very moment...
Being thankful for what I am capable of...