Friday, October 05, 2012
I have been getting down in the dumps about my first goal coming quickly (199 by 1/1/13) and how I've been kinda stuck where I am at 208.5 for a while now. My weight has been coming off but it has been painfully slow since I broke my foot and am unable to really work out. It wasn't until last night that I became ok with the slowness of my weight.
Why? Because I realized that it was 5 years ago this coming December that I attended a weightloss surgery seminar and I was at my highest weight ever 250. I was at rock bottom. I didn't know what else to do. I was beginning to deal with high blood pressure and my blood sugars had started to creep up into the prediabetic ranges. My kids were only 7, 5 and 2 and I was looking at a life on the sidelines just watching them. I was shortening my life with every day that I was overweight. Shortening to the point that I may not see them grow up.
I was considering getting the LapBand surgery to help me take control. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately?) my insurance would not approve the surgery. My BMI was not 40 which was the criteria for the surgery, mine was 39.2 so I was .8 away from being approved for the surgery. I was devastated.
I'm not sure what started my weightloss but it wasn't for several years. I know that when I started taking the migraine medication in 2009 that I quickly lost about 15 pounds. But then it stalled. I would get down and out about it and would start working out and eating right but it wouldn't last long when I didn't see results I would give up and wallow in self pity.
BUT....BUT...BUT I have lost 42.5 pounds since that dreadful day that I was turned down for the surgery. 42.5 pounds. WOW! 42.5 pounds....that is slightly less than the weight of my 7 year old daughter. I have lost the equivalent of my 7 year old daughter and that is a feat in itself. I should be excited and proud of the results that I have made since 2007 when I hit rock bottom. It shouldn't matter that I am less than 10 pounds from my initial goal, or that I've posted this same goal for years now. I need to change my internal dialogue so that I can appreciate the work that I have put in.
If I don't make it to goal by 1/1/13 it will be ok. The world won't end. I won't wallow in self pity because I realize now that I have lost a large amount of weight and my life is better because of it. My blood pressure is back to normal, my blood sugar is back into normal ranges and although at the moment I'm still on the sidelines I am working towards being in the game.