Need to Change My Life
Friday, October 05, 2012
Good morning! It's a foggy and hauntingly beautiful morning here in western Massachusetts. I am so excited for the 3-day weekend and hope that the weather holds out long enough for me to go for a hike and go apple picking! I lost a filling on my way into work so I have to leave work for half the day to get it fixed. Great. Love the dentist. Nope.
I've been thinking a lot lately about how much I need to reevaluate my life and where I'm headed. I thought I had it all figured out, but the past few months have revealed that I really don't want to be headed down this path. I've been here before and I think I was drawn to the security of knowing that I've done this before. However, the security blinded me to the fact that I'm really unhappy. I always seem to have to learn the hard way...I've dropped out of my graduate program and am applying to new jobs outside of my field. I've been trying to cast a wide net, job-wise. I accept the fact that I still will have to pay for a year of graduate school, but perhaps, in the long run, it's worth it. What's another $20K in debt? Oy.
Although I don't know what's coming next for me, I know that I have to make changes NOW. I'm 28 years old and feel like I'm 70. I'm burned out and bitter. That's no way to live! I want to be happy. I want to be fulfilled. I want to find new mistakes to make and stop making the same old ones over and over again! I know who I am and what I am capable of...I just need to trust myself and trust that I will figure this whole thing out soon. And maybe, just maybe, I'm not meant to find one path in life, but rather bounce around a bit and live a full life. Who knows?
Oh well. Hope everyone has a lovely weekend!