It's been forever since I blogged here. Mostly because my life has become insanely busy, and I am trying to blog daily here: fitem.blogspot.com
I did have a bit of a break through the other day, and I wanted to share it here. Mainly because I know the people here can appreciate it, and also because I know I can write about it honestly here and not offend any one that I know in my real life.
I've been pretty stressed out lately. Our new schedule is hectic, and instead of trading off with my husband, I now have full kid duty until 8pm. We definitely need the income from his new job, so I don't resent this. I feel bad that he misses time with the kids, but we're making it work. The only problem has been that I have to bring the kids with me to all of my exercise classes. Not a huge issue, but it can turn into one when my kids are tired and cranky after a long day at school.
I feel bad that they're so exhausted, so I have stopped going to my trainer's kickboxing and yoga/Pilates classes. It gives me and the kids a couple of restful, early nights at home, and it has greatly improved everyone's mood.
My trainer has been guilting me about it a little, which I understand because it's her job to kick my butt. Still, it has not been helping my anxiety every time I miss a class. I've really been stressing out about it, and it got so bad earlier this week that I found myself grinding my teeth (which I haven't done in years), and I finally just forced myself to go for a run after I dropped my son off at school. It was a horrible run. Just terrible. But, I did a lot of thinking and had some realizations that really helped me calm down. (after a little reflecting post-run)
I have been attending these classes for over two years, and I am still reacting in the same way to missing class. I feel like a failure and like I am letting everyone down. This is craziness. I am not even close to the person I was 2 years ago. Back then I needed classes to ensure that I was working out every day. I don't need that anymore.
I work out 6 days a week, 2-3 hours a day. I am studying to be a trainer and now have very little difficulty making myself workout. In fact lately I think I have been overtraining a little bit and have been trying to reign that in.
I also don't enjoy the classes as much as I used to. It's always pretty much the same thing, and 2 years is a long time to do the same workouts. I have different goals now, and I don't feel like those classes really move me closer to them. I don't need to be doing extra, superfluous exercise right now. I want to focus on lifting and running.
I've started an amazing lifting routine with my trainer. It's twice a week, heavy ST, and I LOVE it. I have made huge gains in strength, and I feel totally amazing and strong when I'm done. She also kills my core, which is awesome because I very rarely feel core workouts. I've always had strong core muscles, but this routine kicks my butt. Love it.
I've also been training for a Half Marathon that is actually on Sunday. I've been getting in my long runs on the weekend and a couple short ones during the week. I need to add speed work back into my usual routine, but otherwise I feel like I have improved my running and want to continue to increase my weekly mileage.
With all of this plus teaching 3 Zumba classes a week and running with a client I am doing more than enough exercise every week. I'm going to throw in light yoga on my rest day to stay loose, but I don't think I need another 3 hours of classes every week. It's just not possible.
I enjoy the classes socially. It's fun to get out and workout with other people. They're fun, simple classes. I just need to cut something out, and they don't fit into the plan. I shouldn't feel guilty for this. I'm not exercising for anyone's benefit but my own, so I need to do what works for me. It was nice to finally figure out what that was.