June 2007 244 lbs (Began changing habits)
January 2008 214 lbs (It was paying off)
January 2008-March 2010 (218 lbs) (Maintained but no further loss)
March-April-May: Debilitating EXHAUSTION. DIZZINESS. WEIGHT GAIN, Massive weight gain!
JUNE 2010 278 lbs :( MY REACTION: WHAT!!!! HOW?!!! WHY!!!?? NO DEPRESSION, NO FAST FOOD AND NO SODA!!!!
ACTION TAKEN: Call the doctor's office. Get asked if my eating habits changed. "No, not at all." See the doctor. "Your hormones are fine." ME: SOMETHING IS WRONG!!!
Next Action Taken: See a few specialists. 9 month wait to see an Endocrinologist #1. 9 month wait because "it's not an emergency!" See the Endocrinologist.( December 2010) Tells me that "calories don't from the air" and that "Nothing is wrong." :( Did I mention I waited 9 months for that!!!
See Endocrinologist #2 (5-6 months later) Get diagnosed with Hypothyroidism and PCOS. (already knew about the PCOS for YEARS. FINALLY got diagnosed!!
June 2011 Begin lowest dose of Levothyroxine.
June 2011-June 2012 STILL EXHAUSTED. BRAIN FOG AND ALL those lovely symptoms that come with Hypothyroidism (Dry skin, puffy face and hands, etc.)
September 2012: Change thyroid medication. Begin feeling better but NO WEIGHT Loss.
(I DO NOT EXPECT the thyroid medicine to help me lose weight...and understand that it won't but I have been trying for a long time now!!!)
Last weigh in at doctor's office: 276
(I've been bouncing between 270-278 for two years now. UGH x 10! I eat healthier than my entire family and I am the fattest one!
October 2012: Begin my movement mission and begin working out once again. I couldn't do it when I was exhausted. Exercise does not help exhaustion caused from
undiagnosed or under treated Hypothyroidism. At least for me it didn't. My body forced me to choose sleep over exercise! I was that tired!! As for my movement mission, so far, so good! I have been getting in 30 minutes everyday and yesterday, I got in a little over an hour!
My family is brought a load of junk into the house but I haven't caved. They brought ice cream, pizza rolls, cookies, and more. :( It's not like they are exercise buffs, either!
Did I mention, I am the fattest one...UGH!! They think I am the food police. I don't police what anyone eats. I just don't want to hear someone who weighs 100 lbs less than me complain about being fat when they the eat junk. What do you THINK is going to happen?
Along with this struggle, I have had many emotions. Relief that I have a diagnosis iConfusion, frustration, anger. I felt devastated and felt that I had no control over my own body. I even felt guilty when I ate even though I was hungry and sometimes, I even cried.
because I was SO worried that I would gain another 60 lbs in 3 months and sometimes, I still worry about that!
Even though I haven't lost weight, I have come a long way. I am being much kinder to myself but it is still a battle. I am feeling a lot more positive but there are still moments when I get overwhelmed.
Sometimes, I get frustrated because people will complain about their weight and say how AWFUL they look and how huge they ARE. I understand they are expressing their feelings toward themselves BUT at 276, I do not want to hear someone who is 180 lbs talk about how HUGE they are. A couple people said, they are NOT going to CONSIDER how I FEEL. Well EXCUSE ME, but they are expecting me to listen and be considerate of their feelings and I expect the same in return. I even ask them politely not to do that because it makes me FEEL TERRIBLE. I understand 180 lbs may be someone's highest weight and they are frustrated and they have EVERY right to feel how they feel about their body BUT I have every right to feel how I feel too. The people I ask not to do that STILL do it anyway. I think that they think I understand more because I am a lot heavier but it still gets to me sometimes.
Stupid things (that are meant to be encouraging/well intended but aren't) that people say:
"I have Hypothyroidism and I lost weight." AND?
"If I can do it, you can SURELY, do it." We do not have the same body. We do not take the same medication and we do not have the same hormone levels so SURELY, you can't be serious. If I am venting on a blog, it means I am struggling. It's not helpful to tell me what I can SURELY do it. If I could SURELY do it, it would be done...
This one is from a Spark coach. "If you gained X amount of weight in 3 months, you would have HAD to be eating over 3,000 calories. No, I did not HAVE to be. I WASN'T!
I KNOW, I WAS THERE!!!! I am NOT in DENIAL either. Jut because YOU MAY HAVE BEEN IN DENIAL DOESN'T mean every FAT/OBESE PERSON IS.... Not only that but HORMONE DISORDERS DO NOT CARE WHETHER YOU EAT RIGHT OR EXERCISE. HORMONES that are imbalanced = the cause of weight gain. Calories aren't always the culprit. Hoe does anyone with a brain NOT understand this?
"I don't understand why an endocrine or autoimmune disorder would cause weight gain. Calories are calories, after all." Please go to your local library, go to the science section and look under the following categories: Endocrinology, and internal medicine! Also, go to the Psychology section and read about medications for depression and other mental illnesses. You will find causes of weight gain that have nothing to do with calories!
The most annoying of all: "People can't go blaming their weight gain on their thyroid..that's just an excuse." Excuse me, have you ever had hypothyroidism or any thyroid disorder for that matter? What's that you say? NO? THEN HOW IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU KNOW? YOU DON'T. Plain and simple. YOU DON'T KNOW what anyone goes through unless YOU experience yourself!
Of course I know most of those things are well intentioned but sometimes, they feel like a slap in the face.
Just to be perfectly clear, I do not blame ALL of my weight on my endocrine disorders.
I attribute the 60 lbs I gained rapidly in 2010 to them and the rest, I take responsibility for. Like I said, I know what happened, I was there!!!
It's difficult enough to go through this crazy roller coaster struggle. It's also difficult to see other people lose weight with just a little bit of effort when you are legitimately trying your hardest, but when people say or assume stupid things, that's the worst. :O
I love the support and comments and even though some comments frustrate me at times, I do know that people mean well. I won't ever forget that but I hope you keep in mind what I said, too. :)
I just wanted to get that off my chest because I keep hearing how people make choices and their choices have consequences but sometimes, a person faces a situation that is beyond their control and that really was the point. Not only that but every person is different so what works for you isn't going to work for someone else. Of course, healthy eating and exercise are givens for everyone but everything else isn't.
I am still here and I am still trying! :)