Friday, October 05, 2012
I'm really struggling with the decision on whether to be part of BLC 21 in January. I know this may come as a shock to my team members but with everything that is going on with my health and trying to concieve issues I just don't think I'd feel like I was giving 100 percent.
Heck, right now I don't even feel like I'm giving 100 precent and I'm one of the co cappies of the team. However, I'm digging deep and trying to do SOMETHING for each task of BLC because I don't want to let the team down or to leave our wonderful cappie hanging. We're in week 4 and I've gained every week so far this challenge. Its really disheartening and I'm angry that I'm not doing better. I'm trying to stay positive and tell myself there are still 8 weeks to lose weight in but its not been easy.
I'm struggling with all the doctors appointments, meds (most recenly added Lovenox injections), and everything that is going on with TTCing (trying to concieve).
I've not had a cycle in going on 39 days. I have a reporductive endocrinologist apt on Monday morning. I started my Lovenox injections so that she'd be able to start me on fertility drugs sooner. I'm "assuming" this will happen after a blood pregnancy test comes back negative and i get another round of Provera into me to kick start a cycle.
That's the other thing that has me bummed out. My last two came naturally and I'm hoping it shows up over the weekend. I was starting to feel like a woman again every month that it came on its own. I feel like a failure that I'm having to use a damn medication just to induce my body to do something that it should be doing naturally. Its frustrating.
I know this was a Debbie Downer blog but I had to get it off of my chest. Its been bothering me for days. Now here's to hoping I can do a lot better the rest of the challenge and get some weight off!!