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Struggling With A Decision

Friday, October 05, 2012

I'm really struggling with the decision on whether to be part of BLC 21 in January. I know this may come as a shock to my team members but with everything that is going on with my health and trying to concieve issues I just don't think I'd feel like I was giving 100 percent.

Heck, right now I don't even feel like I'm giving 100 precent and I'm one of the co cappies of the team. However, I'm digging deep and trying to do SOMETHING for each task of BLC because I don't want to let the team down or to leave our wonderful cappie hanging. We're in week 4 and I've gained every week so far this challenge. Its really disheartening and I'm angry that I'm not doing better. I'm trying to stay positive and tell myself there are still 8 weeks to lose weight in but its not been easy.

I'm struggling with all the doctors appointments, meds (most recenly added Lovenox injections), and everything that is going on with TTCing (trying to concieve).

TMI ALERT:

I've not had a cycle in going on 39 days. I have a reporductive endocrinologist apt on Monday morning. I started my Lovenox injections so that she'd be able to start me on fertility drugs sooner. I'm "assuming" this will happen after a blood pregnancy test comes back negative and i get another round of Provera into me to kick start a cycle.

That's the other thing that has me bummed out. My last two came naturally and I'm hoping it shows up over the weekend. I was starting to feel like a woman again every month that it came on its own. I feel like a failure that I'm having to use a damn medication just to induce my body to do something that it should be doing naturally. Its frustrating.

I know this was a Debbie Downer blog but I had to get it off of my chest. Its been bothering me for days. Now here's to hoping I can do a lot better the rest of the challenge and get some weight off!!



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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ARKPLE 10/6/2012 10:28AM

    Don't stress over the weight gain or think about letting the team down. I don't contribute BIG numbers in weight loss or challenges, but I do participate to the best of my ability. You do the same. Plus, you contribute in a major way as Co-Captain. BLC21 is a way off for now. It's good to be thinking about it, but no need to firm up any decisions just yet. Please let us know the outcome of your doctor's visits. We're rooting for you. And, again, sorry to hear you need the Lovenox...not a fun med to inject at all. xo

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SEEMAINE 10/5/2012 5:46PM

    I'm sorry that you're struggling. I know you've been going through a lot for a long time and if you need to take a break from BLC, do it. I think you'll miss the friendship and support but do what YOU need to do. We're all behind you! Love you! emoticon emoticon

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B-FLAT 10/5/2012 7:53AM

    Sorry you are struggling...just keep trying. I love that the bombshells ask for participation not perfection because I'm struggling too. I have the opposite problem than you...can't get my body to stop! I'm sure all the meds you are on are messing with your weight. don't give up. Your team is here for you! As for next challenge, you have time to decide. A lot can happen before Jan!
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