Thinking things over
Thursday, October 04, 2012
The last couple of days have been odd. Yesterday my boss tentatively asked me if I would be willing to play Miss Piggy during our Halloween event. At first I was taken aback, she said that the assistant manager said I wouldn't be happy about the idea. He wasn't necessarily wrong. Miss Piggy is a fine character but I cannot shake the idea of me being large and playing a pig. A Pig. You see when I was a pre=teen that danged pig movie "Gordy" came out. My name is Jordi. It was hell for me. I wasn't a fat kid but I wasn't a stick either and middle school boys are not the kindest. Besides that if I were pink there is an unfavourable resemblance to my porcine brethren. BUT my size is not the reason I was asked to play Miss Piggy the reasons are as follow : 1) The person who normally plays Miss Piggy at this even is unavailable and all the replacements are out of the picture (broken arm, out of town, previously committed) 2) I'm excellent at playing characters 3) I'm super friendly.
So why does this bother me so much? I could have refused and my boss would have understood. However I know I'll do a great job and I'll have a fun time. As I was reading the script I could hear Miss Piggy's voice in my head and I remembered how much I liked her when I was a kid. I'm definitely going to do it but I just don't know why I'm feeling so sensitive about the subject.
To top it off as I was waiting for a teacher to organize her kids before I started our hike today one of the young students poked my stomach and made his fingers bounce off of it while saying "boing boing". What the crap? I'm usually great with kids but this really threw me off. I told him not to poke me and he asked if he could hug me instead and I said sure so that ended well.
It just feels like although I'm busting my buns to alter my life and become healthier, I'm not doing it fast enough. Of course no one on the outside knows what exactly I'm working towards.
Just feeling a bit frustrated which is unlike me as I'm usually so cheerful. Over-sensitive? perhaps. I must admit usually I'm pretty relaxed about most things even jabs about my size. There is an older man who visits my place of work rather frequently and recently he made two funny remarks at my expense. Once while I was wearing a coat on an oddly chilly day he stated that he was surprised I was cold as he thought I had enough insulation; this comment didn't bother me, in fact I thought it was rather amusing. A few weeks later I had to end our conversation because I was being relieved for lunch, so I stated I had better go eat my lunch now and he stated that I better hurry or else I might starve to death; this comment was just odd.
So why is it that when I'm trying people seem more apt to say things about my weight than in all the years when I did nothing?!