Thursday, October 04, 2012
I love that saying - I say it to myself about once a day. I also love, "You only regret the workout you didn't do." It's so true! Have you ever eaten a piece of fruit of a plate of veggies and thought, "Man, I'm gonna regret this tomorrow"? Of course not!
I say these things because these last two days, I've been tempted and tested, almost failing. Yesterday was strange...I really just wanted to eat anything. I didn't care what, I wanted it all. I didn't go outside of my not eating dairy, seafood, fried food, red meat or cream based foods health thing, but I wanted carbs and lots of them. I started picking up random food in the dining hall to bring to my table, and I started off with a chicken salad sandwich and goldfish (my favorite poison - everyone knows I love these lol thank God it's cholesterol free), a soup on the side. I put it into my calories and I was still under, but when I piled up the food I was anticipating being over without caring. When I was still under, I had this moment where I stopped and I thought about what I was about to do. I got up still and put a bagel in the toaster and waited and thought some more. I smothered smart balance on it and sat down, looking at it drip with butter onto my plate. Suddenly, I swear it was fate, this girl who was very overweight and had come to eat around the same time as me (I see her in the DH all the time) was bringing back her second round of food. Three pieces of greasy pizza piled onto a tiny plate, and she decided to sit in the back by herself, presumably because she eats alone so no one sees how much she eats. At this point, I had pulled off a small piece of the bagel and eaten it. I was about to ingest my second piece when I saw her, and realized that was me. By no means am I picking on her, but she was a direct reflection of who I didn't want to be anymore. I saw that she didn't care about how she looked - her plate advertised that fact. I didn't want to be that. So, as I was chewing the second piece of bagel, I grabbed a napkin and spit it out. Hopefully the guy sitting nearby didn't see me do that lol but I had an epiphany and I needed to wake up and STOP purposefully hurting my body. I threw the rest of the bagel away, grabbed an apple and left the DH before I could change my mind.
Today, I had a similar incident. Except I was at my friend's room. He had pringles, which I love, and honestly I am under the firm belief that they knew exactly what they were saying when they said once you pop, you can't stop. I logged them into my calories and I was still under for my daily total, but at one point I was ready to eat the whole thing and have us order wings from Domino's just because. I was ready to throw my day down the drain because I decided that for that split second that I craved wings, it was worth it. Now my friend is a guy who can literally eat 3000 calories in one sitting and go to the bathroom five minutes later (TMI, but it's so true it's saddening lol) and you will never see him gain a pound. I don't know if anyone has a friend like that, but it's frustrating! The thing is, though, you gotta remember that you can eat with them, but NOT like them! So I had to take that in tonight, put the top on the seemingly never-ending tube of pringles, and we went to the DH and I made myself a nice salad to balance out the fat. Luckily I was in my range with everything for the day, only over my fat by 2. Since I'm usually under my daily fat allotment, I didn't die over it. But it was another close call.
I think what I'm trying to say is I lost my will power this summer as some of you can tell based on my weight chart and my blogging. I feel really happy that even though it's more difficult than I remember, I am exercising (no pun intended) my ability to calm down and say no. Actually, for the first time this week I started practicing leaving food on my plate - something I actually have never done before in my life (that I can vividly remember). Even if it's just a few grapes and pieces of fruit, I'm listening to my body tell me when to stop. I'm trying to enjoy my meals, and although I am an incredibly fast eater (since I grew up in a pretty big family where you had to eat quick unless you didn't want to get seconds or even have your food taken from your plate by siblings!) I'm trying to slow down and take the time to enjoy my meals more. So many things in my life are rushed, the least I could do is take some time to eat and take in the moment while I do.
I'm enjoying my training for my hypothetical 5k sparkteam! Lol I say hypothetical since I have no actual 5k I'm training for, but I'm following the plan and it's helping me enjoy running more. I'm a happy girl doing that :) I need to find more arm workouts that use weights and body weight. Any suggestions? I would love the help! I hope everyone's week has been great and it's almost the weekend!!!