Thursday, October 04, 2012
I left some feedback about my BodyMedia feedback today:
"So I get this: "All in all you are losing weight slower than your goal. However, if you want to get to your goal weight of 135 lbs around your target date of Monday, March 18, 2013, you could try changing your weight loss rate to 2 lbs/week. Good luck!" If I am following the calorie deficit, and not losing 1.5 lbs per week, how am I supposed to now lose 2 lbs/week? Let me repeat for clarity: If I can't lose 1.5 lbs/week, how do you expect me to lose 2 lbs/week? That doesn't even make sense! I would loooove to lose 2 lbs/week. But if I can't lose even 1 lb per week, how am I supposed to lose 2? Either this thing is seriously flawed in tracking my calories burned OR your weight loss formula (which is one size fits all, like it or not, guys) is seriously flawed."
I was 176.4 today. Yesterday... I was 177.7. I haven't lost a goddamn pound! I am still at the same weight range I was when I started! How much do I need to not eat in order to lose weight? BodyMedia says I should eat around 1900 calories a day based on how many calories I burn. No weight loss. In order to lose weight, I need to be hungry. Which is fine for a few days, but then it gets old fast.
WHY AM I SO EFFING FAT?
I felt little guns under my fat today. I'm getting stronger under my fat. Woo. Hoo.
I am in a bad mood. I don't know why I bother trying. I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't. If I just gave up, I could eat pizza. If I don't give up, I don't lose weight but I do get pizza. This whole process has taught me a lot.
It's taught me that no matter how hard you try, you may never reach your goals. Because you're just not good enough for some goals. You just have to accept what you have.
It's taught me that if you keep trying the same thing over and over, it still won't work. And if you try something different, you'll probably gain weight.
It's taught me that being fat is probably the worst thing in the world to be. I mean, you might hear the term 'butterface' but you're more likely to hear the "she'd be so pretty if she lost some weight." Oh, fat is ugly. Oh yes, and lazy, too. I've had all sorts of sh*tty things happen to me in my lifetime, but being fat is the most persistent, and probably the worst. I guess dying will one day top it.
I've learned that you can work really really really hard for a long time, but a couple days of weakness will wreck it all.
I've learned that determination for other aspects of life can't be applied to weight loss. For example, if I was writing my dissertation, and I had a bad day and forgot to write something, it didn't start EFFING DELETING ITSELF. Yea, basically, trying to lose weight is like writing the worst research paper ever, and if you mess up, make a typo, don't have time to work on it for a couple days, the stupid piece of crap just starts deleting itself. "Oh, I see you worked hard for three weeks... well, guess what? You know how you didn't work on my for a couple days? I deleted your figures. Make them again. In APA format. BWAHAHAHA...."
I've learned that people notice when you gain weight. They say "Oh, you're looking good! You've been losing weight!" Which means that a) you didn't look good before, and b) they took notice, and c) they are comparing the way you looked before to the way you look now. Which means that d) if you gain the weight again - you guessed it - they notice, and they think you look like sh*t.
Like I said: bad mood. Not in an encouraging mood today. I still did my Zumba on the Wii though.
And why the F*CK do those SparkPuritans not allow swearing in blogs? Aren't we all effing adults!? JESUS H CHRIST. I like to F*CKING SWEAR!
Edit: I'm not sad. I'm mad. Being mad is much more fun and productive.