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The most important and meaningful race of my life

Thursday, October 04, 2012

I responded to another members blog yesterday who is having a rough time navigating through her mother's illness. My heart went out to her since I have recently experienced the same emotions.

She described how her races were directly effected by what is going on in her life and her mothers fight. She had a recent marathon when just finding out her mother was very ill. She knew her Mom was not going to give up her battle, so she would not quit this race. Her inspiration was from her Mom's strength.

I recently had a similar race. It wasn't a marathon, but a small weekly 5k trail race.

I lost my mother 49 days ago. We recently found out two days prior that she had lung cancer that had already metastasized to her brain and she didn't have much time. Two days before she died, she was often confused. I leaned down to kiss her and tell her that I was going to my Catamount race and I would see her in the morning. She said to me (whom she thought was a nurse) "My daughter runs and I am so proud of her" She had never told me that before! She had always lectured me in the past about all the bad things that could happen when I ran. She worried that something would happen to me, much like many mothers would do. She watched my progression of weight loss and had few comments only to tell me not to lose too much. She would tell me that I am too skinny, when I was actually at a perfect weight. When I ran my first marathon, I swear, she held her breath for the whole 4 hours and 45 minutes until she found out I had finished and was ok. She was like that! It made me frustrated so I held back my excitement when I was around her about my transformation and running adventures.

The Tuesday night that she told me those magical words, I went to that 5k trail race stumbling along, often sobbing hunched over, but I couldn't quit. Her words just kept going through my head, so I kept going. My body heaving with a heavy load to bear, and my heart breaking with every step I took. It was a miracle I stepped over the finish line. I had to escape somewhere where other runners could not see my tears. I went up the hill and cried looking at the majestic views of Camels Hump.

My husband knew the story and found me. He was there to fold me into his arms. I have no idea what my time was, but I didn't care. I ran that race for her. A very small race was the most important race of my life.

Now, when I feel like quitting in a run or race, I remember those special words, the last gift that my mom gave to me, and I keep going.

My new inspiration, my Moms life, and her never ending love and pride she had for her daughter.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hum, what a wonderful reminder. i think when I wogged my marathon it was the most proud my man has ever been of me. I should remember that.
    1512 days ago
    What a wonderful way to remember your mom. She has so much to be proud of, too -- you've accomplished so many feats and inspired a lot of us here on SP.
    1517 days ago
    OMG, thanks for the cry. My little brother passed away 4 months ago and I am running a marathon for him in less than a month and worried I might cry the whole 5 hours and not have any water left in my body.
    1520 days ago
    beautiful heartfelt blog! :)
    1520 days ago
  • LAURIE5658
    What an eloquent and heartfelt blog. I lost my mom to breast cancer April 2008 and that is the reason I started be proactive with my health. My life has changed in more ways than I can count.

    Be rest assured that your precious Mom is with you every step of the way!!!

    1520 days ago
  • EMILY1244
    You and me both my friend. You and me both. What a wonderful, fantastic gift she gave to you! (the mascara DID hold up! LOL) emoticon When we put our love and emotion and whole being into our running it is anything but small, no matter the distance. 1 mile or 100 miles, when you run with your heart, it becomes everything.
    1520 days ago
  • CCHEF1
    What a beautiful tribute to your mother, that she continues to inspire you in a positive manner.

    1520 days ago
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