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Fear of Losing Weight

Thursday, October 04, 2012

I think I've figured something out about myself. I've thought about this before, but I can't deny it anymore. I think that somewhere deep down inside I am afraid to lose weight.
Does this sound stupid? Does it sound like an excuse? Maybe, but I really think it's true.
Let's look at the facts:

I've gotten down to about about 200 to 210 quite a few times and I just can't get over the hump.
I realize that this can be part of the process, but the feelings I get when I hit that point aren't normal, or shouldn't be anyway.

I always know when it happens. I lose weight and start feeling FABULOUS! My clothes are loose, I can move, and I feel better than I have in a long time. Then that moment comes. The moment when my belly feels light. Weird, I know, and a bit hard to explain.
I can feel the loose skin on my stomach and it just feels lighter. You would think that would be incentive to keep going, but for some reason, it scares me. I try to ignore it and keep going. It's irrational I tell myself, but it still does something to my head. Then I start to self sabotage and the worst part - I *know* I'm doing it and do nothing to stop it. I know the moment that I choose to run from the fear.

What could I be afraid of?
Success? Possibly.
Loose skin? No, that doesn't bother me at all.

I've done some soul searching and I can't help but wonder if my problem is that I don't want to be like I was so many years ago when I was thin.

There was a time in my life when I was a size 8 (it was a brief decade in my life.) I was pretty on the outside, but hated myself on the inside. I didn't like the person I was... at all, but didn't know how to fix myself.

True I am a completely different person now. I've gone through some major transformations in my heart, but still struggle with low self esteem and I'm not exactly my biggest fan.

Another problem could possibly be the thought that - what if I lose the weight and I'm still not good enough? Still along the same lines, but sort of a different angle.

I don't know exactly how to overcome these problems, but it's clear they exist. I may try to talk to my psych teacher from last semester. She did a class on weight issues and body image. Surely, I can't be the only one. Maybe she'll have an answer. If I don't learn to overcome this, I am destined to repeat this problem for the rest of my life.

If anybody struggles with this, or has any advice, I would love to hear it.

Onward we go...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon emoticon
    1993 days ago
    Recognizing it is the first step toward overcoming it. There may be something that you're afraid of but that doesn't have to cripple your efforts to be healthy. If the focus is only on the weight loss, then it's probably too narrow a focus. Think about being strong enough to carry your own groceries, flexible enough to tie your shoes or zip up a dress in the back, and fit enough to climb stairs, ride bikes, swim, etc. Don't just think of it in terms of the scale and the mirror--think of it in terms of how you feel, physically, and how much energy you have. If there is legitimate fear involved, then face it and denounce it. Don't allow it to rule you!

    Thanks for blogging about this. It's clear that you aren't the only one who feels this way.
    1996 days ago
    I completely understand... but don't have advice. ;)

    One of the ways to get at our hidden feelings is to just start letting it flow out on paper.. write as fast as you can and let the fears pour out- start by thinking about what is good about losing weight and get your mind eased into it. Then picture yourself smaller and think about the effects on you and your life, positive.. then explore what might be negative. --Or if it all comes out in a jumble and you don't need to direct it, that's good too.

    You might be surprised at what you uncover. And just finally recognizing it could be the key you need to defeat that thinking.

    Best of luck, Done Girl!
    1996 days ago
    emoticon Talk to your teacher. I'm sure she can give you some insight. Being comfortable in your body is the most important thing. Do what makes you feel good. I hope your teacher can give you some insight and you can reach the goals that you are aiming for. emoticon
    1997 days ago
    Your fear is a valid one. You were thin before and didn't like yourself. But you admitted that you have changed and you are also older and more mature and wise. You are now ready to tackle this issue if and only if it becomes an issue. I am betting that it doesn't. You also mentioned the what if I lose weight and I am still not good enough. Good enough for what or whom? That comment I think deserves more digging. Self esteem factors in here. When I lost my weight my self esteem just blossomed. i was in my 40's and ready for the change and ready to handle it. You will do fine. Just keep blogging and talking and sharing and taking care of you.
    1997 days ago
    emoticon I am sure it is something your teacher can help with. I do so hope you will talk with her. You are so close, this may well be the one thing holding you back. emoticon emoticon
    1997 days ago
    You are absolutely not alone! A lot of us have issues with getting past a certain size. The reasons may be different but the struggle is the same. I usually get where I am now, start feeling "comfortable" and stop progressing. For some of us its bad experiences when we were thin, for some of us its not wanting to let go of that comfort food gives us...many different reasons! But talking to that teacher is a great idea! You WILL figure this out and get past it! I have faith in you! emoticon
    1997 days ago
  • SYZYGY922
    You're not alone in this at all. I was thin very briefly when I was about 17, and that's the only time in my life I've been thin. I got some unwanted attention from men and had some bad experiences, and I blamed being thin. I quit working to maintain my weight loss and my weight doubled in a few years (to be fair...I lost the weight through very, very strict dieting and would have regained it anyway). I have struggled with it and continue to do so. I'm in therapy for other reasons, but we talk about body image, too. I guess it comes down to liking/loving yourself and doing what it genuinely best for you. Even now, I've lost almost 80 lbs and I still have a bit to lose and I have this BLOCK and it's hard to get past it.

    1997 days ago
    You have to think positive about you inside and outside. What happened before is the past and the future.... you don't know what will happen. Start to love yourself. I always say: The first smile from me is for me and the last one, too. When you wake up in the morning go to the mirror and smile to you and do the same at night. Have a Blessed day. emoticon
    1997 days ago
    Dear Hope,

    I think talking to that teacher is a wonderful idea. if you are in school, perhaps there is a student assistance office where you can get some help talking to a counselor or something?? I wish I could offer some advice, but I don't have any pearls of wisdom in this area. However, I wish the best for you and know that now that you have identified the problem, you are in a much better place to seek a solution.

    1997 days ago
  • ZRIE014
    you can not let weight loss to be your final objective. need your goals be also how you feel about yourself when you reach the goal. emoticon
    1997 days ago
    1997 days ago
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