It was 1:30 in the morning and I nearly blogged at that time, but I have read that in order to get and stay sleepy, one should avoid the bright computer screen.
I'm so frustrated with this insomnia situation, I literally broke down into tears this morning. I am weak, tired, and my thinking is very unclear. It's gotten to the point of exhaustian that I'm too dizzy to even walk a straight line this morning (also attributable to allergies, I assume). I am so tired, I keep dropping things too, which makes me even angrier at the insomnia. This morning, I went to eat my snack and dropped half of it in the floor and I nearly cried again! I am not that emotional of a person, so I know that tired feeling is causing all sorts of problems. I can barely function, and I am out of answers.
So, I have taken all the advice I have gotten here at sparkpeople and I have read blog after article after study...etc to figure this thing out. I have NEVER dealt with daily insomnia in my life until this summer; not even when I had the most high stress jobs of my life. Occasionally I would have that jittery night or two every 6 months or so related to way too much cokes and smokes throughout the day. I would like to mention the things I have done to combat this awful monster. First, I have tried the gambit of natural remedies. Lavender scented candles and soaps; herbal sleepytime teas (which used to put me out like a light). I have kept classical music streaming through my house all day long (except at night) to keep the atmosphere calm and pleasant. My husband, each night, makes every effort to help me relax by brushing through my hair and sometimes will even give me a light massage right before bed. For one week, we even made the effort to go to our bedroom an hour before we were to go to sleep so that we could read, or talk or pray. We eliminated any kind of serious talk (family issues, political topics, problematic things) a few months ago that would occur within a two or more hour timeframe before proposed bedtime. I even stopped taking a multi-vitamin mix I had picked up that was formulated for "active women," thinking that maybe it was formulated for marathon type active women (not me). I have tried working out before bed and avoiding it before bed...I can't tell a difference. I have tried Melatonin (makes me climb the walls like Spiderman) and Valerian does help.....eventually.....after 3 capsules. One night, out of sheer desperation, I wound up taking two benadryls, and three valerian capsules. I laid there awake and jittery for hours. I would also like to outline what my day looked like yesterday:
*Woke up late because I had stayed up half the night before.
*One cup of coffee at around 7:30. Breakfast: strawberry mango smoothie (homemade all natural ingredients)
*Got to work pretty close to on time. Work was steady and quiet all morning.
*Mid-morning snack--an orange with one cup of coffee at 10:00.
*Lunch at noon: Homemade hot pocket (again all natural ingredients to avoid preservatives as much as possible) with decaffienated white tea no sugar
*Went back to work to a very calm atmosphere--no pressing issues, no stress.
*Midafternoon snack--Celery with peanut butter 1 tbsp. water.
*Quick meeting after work that went well and low stress.
*Light dinner of fajitas (around 4 oz meat) peppers, onions, tortillas. Decaffienated white tea no sugar.
*Water only until bedtime.
*Spent around 30 minutes reading aloud with husband while he brushed my hair. Took my blood pressure medicine and allergy meds so I could breathe. Had a very slight headache. Felt very sleepy...laid down and was wide awake. For the next 2-3 hours.
When I do this, I take myself to the living room to lay down on the couch so I don't keep my husband awake. But, I feel like this is putting a bit of a rift between us. I remember my aunt (who passed away this last summer as you may remember from my past blogs), and how she suffered from this same thing. She, too, would always go to the living room and left my uncle to sleep alone. This really caused a rift between them after some time. The biggest difference is, I am making every effort to live healthy, a choice my aunt never made. She had a serious food addiction, as I later found out, and would use this time of insomnia to sneak eat. The night she had her stroke, there was evidence that she had consumed two pot pies and was in the process of making her third when she fell to the ground between midnight meals. I was devastated to find this out--this problem that she had that she never confessed to a soul or sought help in. I don't fear this issue for myself, because I do have others hold me accountable. But, that is why I am desperately trying to find answers to this insomnia problem. Maybe she found that dealing with her insomnia was best handled through food, and I have inherited an insomnia gene or something! I don't know! I'm just so frustrated!
I am going to join a spark team which apparently has helped others with this issue. But I really do want to get to the root of the problem. I had a sleep study a few months ago, and everything went fine there. I know this insomnia is causing a multiplicity of issues though--halted weight loss, extreme exhaustion, lack of clarity and energy. As long as I can't sleep, I don't know how I will ever get this weight off no matter how clean I eat or how much I work out (which isn't much without a lot of sleep). Maybe someday I can sleep like a normal person again.....