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    GINAV2   63,961
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Awkward non-fitness blog

Wednesday, October 03, 2012

Argh, guys, I need to vent and this seemed the safest (read: least likely to be seen by people who know me IRL) place to do so.

This guy, this very young guy in my grad school cohort, who is a total sweetheart but who I am not attracted to in the last, is making life so awkward! He keeps asking me out (coffee, breakfast, drinks), and I keep turning him down, and he keeps coming back! He just cornered me in my office to ask how busy I was going to be Thursday night, and I was all *think think think* and the best i could come up with was "i have a lot of work to do?" And then he asked me to go out for a drink anyway and I was straignt up like..."I'm going to have to say no." He kinda looked crushed so maybe the message got through this time? Headdesk headdesk headdesk.

Iwillnoteaticecream iwillnoteaticecream iwillnoteaticecream.

Oy. emoticon

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
JOANOFARCTIC 10/3/2012 10:10PM

    oh man that is awkward and I don't envy you one bit emoticon

Sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind. If he didn't get the message this time, you'll probably have to tell him that you like him as a person but that you're not interested in dating him, because otherwise he'll just keep trying. Of course, it's very easy for me to say from this vantage point.. you're the one who has to do the dirty work.

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KWRIGHT26 10/3/2012 9:56PM

    I have faith. Youwillnoteaticecream youwillnoteaticecream youwillnoteaticecream.

It's kind of weird learning to deal with getting attention when you aren't used to looking good, isn't it? I don't care for it either.

Go lift something heavy, it's far more productive than headdesking.

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Q8PRINCESS 10/3/2012 8:32PM

    Maybe he just wants someone nice to go to coffee with. Can you tell him you like women? Maybe if he thought there was no chance he'd give up. Okay, I'm no help at all.

Venting here is okay with us.

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BROCOLIJOLI 10/3/2012 10:31AM

    I would just make sure you are clear when you turn him down (like, don't say "I'm busy but maybe some other time"). I think sometimes girls feel bad about turning someone down out right and end up leading them on. If you say no repeatedly and he keeps asking, it's not your fault he keeps trying.

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EGALITAIRE 10/3/2012 10:18AM

    Agreed, not our job to manage other people's feelings. There is nothing wrong with straight out telling him no when he asks. On the other hand, I had an experience many years ago that sounds similar - I was the cute-as-pie-annoying-guy that wasn't getting the hint, or even the very direct "no thanks". I was smitten, what can I say.

On one of the occasions when I asked to go for a drink, the object of my affection agreed - she even proposed the venue (in hindsight I realize this was a well thought out plan on her part).

When we settled in for drinks she started right away saying it seemed I was attracted to her. She really like me, but wasn't interested in a romantic relationship. In the moment I was crushed, but within a short period of time, I felt her approach was very respectful of me and treated me as an adult who would know how to deal with clear information..

Sometimes the truth can be hard to face, but face it we must, in some way.

Your admirer will get the message eventually - for sake the sooner the better. Maybe a more proactive approach on your part might respectfully accelerate the process.

Just a thought.

All the best.

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GINAV2 10/3/2012 10:17AM

    Than you! I think I needed that fresh breath of sanity, haha. It's just been awkward because we are in several classes together, and his office is next door to mine, and he's been SO PERSISTENT. I'm not so good at this interpersonal-relations stuff. I hate disappointing people, but you're absolutely right - there's nothing wrong with saying no to someone I'm not interested in.

Thank you for your comment!

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EMILY088 10/3/2012 9:59AM

    You don't need to feel bad about turning him down. You're not attracted and it's your right to turn him down - even if he insists on asking you out continuously. If he asks another time, just tell him straight up that you're not looking at something with him. You don't need to feel bad, though. Boys and girls both get turned down all the time - we learn when someone doesn't like us in that way and hopefully can figure out to stop asking. emoticon

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